the postman delivered my unmarried-ment papers today.
carla got the mail.
i was gone from 7:30am to 9:00pm.
when i got home, she says "your mail is on your bed".
i walk into my room.
i see a package from a friend who lives in Georgia. she knitted me a hat, i've been expecting it.
last thursday Seth called me while i was at work. i answered it.
he said the unmarried papers were on their way and that i need to sign them and mail them back as soon as i can, so we can "get this show on the road".
they were on the bed, under the hat package.
it was weird tearing open the envelope and reading the lawyer-speak.
Wright vs. Wright.
"No children."
"Mrs. Wright is not pregnant."
"There is no property to be disputed."
"Mrs. Wright wishes to return to her maiden name: _______"
etc.
it was just weird to have this "court"-like language describing the dissolution of our marriage.
the only highlight was that i wore my cute new hat while i read over the papers.
now i guess i just have to make copies for my own files, sign them, and send them back.
what a heavy way to start the week.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
----scratch that----
Carla is back in the ER tonight.
she may be in surgery by morning, she might lose one or both of her ovaries.
my prayers are that she doesn't lose either!
pray for carla!
she may be in surgery by morning, she might lose one or both of her ovaries.
my prayers are that she doesn't lose either!
pray for carla!
ovarian cysts and lack of sleep=exhausted
after a few weeks of being in on-again/off-again agony, Carla went to the Emergency Room yesterday, i joined her after i got off from work, and it turns out, she was in excruciating pain because she has 2 large ovarian cysts.
crazy huh? yeah. the weirdest part is that even though they said that they'll have to operate in order to help them go away, they discharged her last night (Tuesday) and told her to come back on Friday for the operation. her question, and mine too, was mainly, what did they expect her to do all day Wednesday and Thursday?
she is literally in constant pain, and the pain medicine doesn't really cut it, and she can't really sleep or lay down.
it's crazy, and we don't know how serious it is yet, but nonetheless it's scary. scary scary scary.
on top of that, my new job has been overwhelming, but in a good way.
there is an upside and a downside to the new job:
-upside-
money, feeling more secure, less time to sit and dwell on my unmarried-ness.
-downside-
not a morning person, people at work are nice but no one talks to one another, add in the waitressing job on the side and i'm super tired.
the biggest downside is that i don't have time to blog.......
crazy huh? yeah. the weirdest part is that even though they said that they'll have to operate in order to help them go away, they discharged her last night (Tuesday) and told her to come back on Friday for the operation. her question, and mine too, was mainly, what did they expect her to do all day Wednesday and Thursday?
she is literally in constant pain, and the pain medicine doesn't really cut it, and she can't really sleep or lay down.
it's crazy, and we don't know how serious it is yet, but nonetheless it's scary. scary scary scary.
on top of that, my new job has been overwhelming, but in a good way.
there is an upside and a downside to the new job:
-upside-
money, feeling more secure, less time to sit and dwell on my unmarried-ness.
-downside-
not a morning person, people at work are nice but no one talks to one another, add in the waitressing job on the side and i'm super tired.
the biggest downside is that i don't have time to blog.......
Saturday, March 15, 2008
fish on a bicycle
This Fish Needs a Bicycle
if you haven't heard of her already, then i think you should check her out. all i know is that her name is Heather and she lives in Texas. She is single and while she embraces it, she is also very candid about what being single really means to a girl in today's world.
i bookmarked her blog a long time ago, i read it from time to time.
the entry that she posted yesterday made my heart stop. i think we have all been there in one way or another. i'm going to link to her blog and i am going to include her post in it's entirety.
-----------------
do share what you think...
if you haven't heard of her already, then i think you should check her out. all i know is that her name is Heather and she lives in Texas. She is single and while she embraces it, she is also very candid about what being single really means to a girl in today's world.
i bookmarked her blog a long time ago, i read it from time to time.
the entry that she posted yesterday made my heart stop. i think we have all been there in one way or another. i'm going to link to her blog and i am going to include her post in it's entirety.
i don't think about you (and other lies i tell myself)
It wasn't you that I saw, standing tall and rail-straight, just on the other side of the jewelry counter. But it didn't matter; it may as well have been, with the way I felt the room lurch and spin. I dug my nails under the polished metal rim of the counter and ducked my head, not wanting to make eye contact with you. My fingertips left steamy smears on the cold, clean glass.
I pretended to care about tacky heart-shaped pendants, knowing I should look up, say hello and feign that I wasn't all at once stumbling drunk with missing you. I thought about what it might do to me to hug you. I remembered how, if there was anything unsatisfying about touching you, it was that you never left your scent behind. You didn't stay on my clothes or my sofa cushions - the only evidence you'd ever been at home with me, an emptied wine glass next to my own.
I swallowed your memory, pushing it down into my uneasy stomach and finally looked up. But like I said, it wasn't you. Too old, too wide about the shoulders, too not you. So I rang for the sales clerk, finished my business and drove home slowly, feeling suddenly lonesome and a little hungover.
I pretended to care about tacky heart-shaped pendants, knowing I should look up, say hello and feign that I wasn't all at once stumbling drunk with missing you. I thought about what it might do to me to hug you. I remembered how, if there was anything unsatisfying about touching you, it was that you never left your scent behind. You didn't stay on my clothes or my sofa cushions - the only evidence you'd ever been at home with me, an emptied wine glass next to my own.
I swallowed your memory, pushing it down into my uneasy stomach and finally looked up. But like I said, it wasn't you. Too old, too wide about the shoulders, too not you. So I rang for the sales clerk, finished my business and drove home slowly, feeling suddenly lonesome and a little hungover.
-----------------
do share what you think...
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
running til you fall down
i have goals for myself, which include running a half marathon sometime in the next year, in addition to training for and running a marathon sometime in the next 3 years.
this being said, i went for a run tonight.
the weather was perfect for a nice early evening run, so i put my hair up, clipped back the hair that would fall down, wore a sports bra, laced up my running shoes, stretched a little inside the house, and finally leapt off of my front step and into my running form.
i was off and running. i had a good pace. i decided to run for at least 15 minutes, and to try and do so without walking.
i went down the street, around the block and when i got back to my starting point, i dared to look at my watch timer:
3:30.
i had only been running for 3 minutes and 30 seconds.
so i circled the same route again, noticing how my pace was slowly declining in speed.
i decided that i would go down a couple of extra streets in my neighborhood in order to make the time pass faster and add in some distance.
i got back to my starting point again, certain that i had just passed the 10 minute mark.
i looked at my watch:
6:30.
how on earth?! what?! okay, keep moving, just run until you feel like it's been 4 more minutes. instead of 15, it's okay if i only did 10. my body was giving me the ole RED FLAG.
i ran some more. i rounded corners, passed people walking their dogs, crossed streets, waved at strangers carrying their groceries inside, and finally, i was back on my street, sure that i'd passed the time and that i had CERTAINLY passed the 10 minute mark and it was now okay for me to go inside and get some water.
as i slowed down to stop, my legs felt extra wobbly, and because i know my body, i knew that if i didn't get inside ASAP i would be likely to cause a scene by passing out in my neighbor's yard.
luckily, my wobbly legs guided me up my front-steps, i successfully opened my front door and got inside just in time to lay face down on the floor of my dining room. i never fully passed out, but i'd say if i hadn't gotten my shoes off and regulated my breathing, i may have just blacked out altogether.
total running time: 12:22. GO ME!
too bad i felt like i was having hot flashes and i was also having flashbacks to the "mile-run" in grade-school......
well, they say baby-steps. i guess 12 minutes compared to a marathon would definitely qualify as baby-steps!
this being said, i went for a run tonight.
the weather was perfect for a nice early evening run, so i put my hair up, clipped back the hair that would fall down, wore a sports bra, laced up my running shoes, stretched a little inside the house, and finally leapt off of my front step and into my running form.
i was off and running. i had a good pace. i decided to run for at least 15 minutes, and to try and do so without walking.
i went down the street, around the block and when i got back to my starting point, i dared to look at my watch timer:
3:30.
i had only been running for 3 minutes and 30 seconds.
so i circled the same route again, noticing how my pace was slowly declining in speed.
i decided that i would go down a couple of extra streets in my neighborhood in order to make the time pass faster and add in some distance.
i got back to my starting point again, certain that i had just passed the 10 minute mark.
i looked at my watch:
6:30.
how on earth?! what?! okay, keep moving, just run until you feel like it's been 4 more minutes. instead of 15, it's okay if i only did 10. my body was giving me the ole RED FLAG.
i ran some more. i rounded corners, passed people walking their dogs, crossed streets, waved at strangers carrying their groceries inside, and finally, i was back on my street, sure that i'd passed the time and that i had CERTAINLY passed the 10 minute mark and it was now okay for me to go inside and get some water.
as i slowed down to stop, my legs felt extra wobbly, and because i know my body, i knew that if i didn't get inside ASAP i would be likely to cause a scene by passing out in my neighbor's yard.
luckily, my wobbly legs guided me up my front-steps, i successfully opened my front door and got inside just in time to lay face down on the floor of my dining room. i never fully passed out, but i'd say if i hadn't gotten my shoes off and regulated my breathing, i may have just blacked out altogether.
total running time: 12:22. GO ME!
too bad i felt like i was having hot flashes and i was also having flashbacks to the "mile-run" in grade-school......
well, they say baby-steps. i guess 12 minutes compared to a marathon would definitely qualify as baby-steps!
Monday, March 10, 2008
long ass day
i shouldn't have stayed up as late as i did last night when i knew that i had to get up as early as i did for my first day at work this morning [i was like a kid on Christmas Eve, SO nervous but excited and hoping to hear the magical clicks of reindeer hooves (paychecks) on the roof].
luckily, i made it to work on time, seeing as to the way that i am perpetually late for everything and will find a way to make myself 8 minutes late for a meeting that i got up for over 3 hours beforehand [i piddle around].
i filled out a TON of paperwork and sat with the Human Resources lady for over an hour and a half listening to her explain the mountain of paperwork [insurance, dental, absences, paid time-off, tardiness, disability, etc...]
it was just me and her in a tiny conference room at a big table, looking through the stacks of papers. yawn.
then i had lunch with my boss, which was SO great. Lacy is really a competent and intelligent woman, but luckily her humor is still in tact as well, meaning that when we were at the restaurant [using the Corporate card] she said that she thought the waiter was cute and that he was totally flirting with me! i can tell already that she is a keeper! [Lord please don't let me have to eat my words later!]
then we headed back to the ole workplace and i had to sit through an agonizing session about this specific information system that we use, which while it was helpful, was dreadfully dull and i kept thinking, tomorrow i need to drink coffee, tomorrow coffee is a requirement.
the end of the workday came quickly after that boring computer session, and overall i had a great day at my new job. i love to learn new things, and on top of that, i am PSYCHED to decorate my cubicle. it might sound lame, but really, i'm excited to decorate it.
OH, and when i called the restaurant to tell them i was on my way, they didn't need me after all, which meant that i promptly came home, got in Carla's bed and took a 6-8pm nap.
WHEW!
now i just have to do it all again tomorrow, and the day after that and the day after that........
luckily, i made it to work on time, seeing as to the way that i am perpetually late for everything and will find a way to make myself 8 minutes late for a meeting that i got up for over 3 hours beforehand [i piddle around].
i filled out a TON of paperwork and sat with the Human Resources lady for over an hour and a half listening to her explain the mountain of paperwork [insurance, dental, absences, paid time-off, tardiness, disability, etc...]
it was just me and her in a tiny conference room at a big table, looking through the stacks of papers. yawn.
then i had lunch with my boss, which was SO great. Lacy is really a competent and intelligent woman, but luckily her humor is still in tact as well, meaning that when we were at the restaurant [using the Corporate card] she said that she thought the waiter was cute and that he was totally flirting with me! i can tell already that she is a keeper! [Lord please don't let me have to eat my words later!]
then we headed back to the ole workplace and i had to sit through an agonizing session about this specific information system that we use, which while it was helpful, was dreadfully dull and i kept thinking, tomorrow i need to drink coffee, tomorrow coffee is a requirement.
the end of the workday came quickly after that boring computer session, and overall i had a great day at my new job. i love to learn new things, and on top of that, i am PSYCHED to decorate my cubicle. it might sound lame, but really, i'm excited to decorate it.
OH, and when i called the restaurant to tell them i was on my way, they didn't need me after all, which meant that i promptly came home, got in Carla's bed and took a 6-8pm nap.
WHEW!
now i just have to do it all again tomorrow, and the day after that and the day after that........
first day jitters
i am SO nervous about my first day at my real job!!!!!!
i am sure that there are not going to be dragons or warfare or ninjas hiding under my desk, but i am just nervous about how i'll be dressed [business casual], and if i filled out my paperwork correctly [my last name is going to be changing in less than 2 months AND i filed Single]......
so the butterflies are fluttering a little bit in my stomach this morning, and i also don't know what i'll have to eat this morning or if i have time to eat something. clearly, i found time to blog, but i am not sure if i will make time to eat.......!!!!!!!
anyway,
i am sure i will blog about it first thing when i get home this evening....which is after i go to the restaurant to work a dinner shift............yes, i'm keeping the 2 jobs, at least for a little while, i love the restaurant.
wish me luck!
i am sure that there are not going to be dragons or warfare or ninjas hiding under my desk, but i am just nervous about how i'll be dressed [business casual], and if i filled out my paperwork correctly [my last name is going to be changing in less than 2 months AND i filed Single]......
so the butterflies are fluttering a little bit in my stomach this morning, and i also don't know what i'll have to eat this morning or if i have time to eat something. clearly, i found time to blog, but i am not sure if i will make time to eat.......!!!!!!!
anyway,
i am sure i will blog about it first thing when i get home this evening....which is after i go to the restaurant to work a dinner shift............yes, i'm keeping the 2 jobs, at least for a little while, i love the restaurant.
wish me luck!
Friday, March 7, 2008
it's in the freaking mail
so that he can finally shut up:
it's in the mail as of today Seth,
stop trying to remind me that
"it's kind-of important"
can't you just take a break from patronizing me for ONCE in your life Seth? just once. i cannot believe he still does this from 4 states away.
it's in the mail as of today Seth,
stop trying to remind me that
"it's kind-of important"
can't you just take a break from patronizing me for ONCE in your life Seth? just once. i cannot believe he still does this from 4 states away.
Monday, March 3, 2008
reason # 29,347
tonight gave me reason #29,347 that i need to get new glasses once i start my new job (with medical insurance) next week.
if you have a queasy stomach, you should just skip the next paragraph.
i got food poisoning and i had to pull my car over and park it in an empty parking lot. i got out and got in the grass to where no one could see me retching my guts out [sorry for the visual]. well, i go forward a little to ensure that splattering doesn't occur, and my glasses flew off of my face and into my own puke. i had to clean them off while telling myself that grosser things have happened, but i couldn't get over my initial thought of:
totally gross!
the thing is i love my glasses, well, the way that they look on my face anyway. they are very flattering, if i do say so myself. but, the problem is somewhere in the "arms" of the glasses. they don't have any grip, and they aren't curved enough to grab onto my ears if i bend over. thus, they slide off of my face ALL the time. it's very irritating.
reason #21,304 was when i was on an airplane and i was in the plane's bathroom, and i leaned over to get the paper towels and my glasses slid off of my face and almost, ALMOST landed in the swirling blue water that spun in the plane's toilet. thank the LORD i have cat-like reflexes and i caught them as they flew through the air.
this is why i try to wear my contacts 99.9% of the time. my patience with my glasses is just OUT.
thank goodness i have Carla because Carla is an RN and she took care of me all night for the 3 hours that it took for me to feel normalized again. now i'm all better, at least, better enough to write an entry here! :)
if you have a queasy stomach, you should just skip the next paragraph.
i got food poisoning and i had to pull my car over and park it in an empty parking lot. i got out and got in the grass to where no one could see me retching my guts out [sorry for the visual]. well, i go forward a little to ensure that splattering doesn't occur, and my glasses flew off of my face and into my own puke. i had to clean them off while telling myself that grosser things have happened, but i couldn't get over my initial thought of:
totally gross!
the thing is i love my glasses, well, the way that they look on my face anyway. they are very flattering, if i do say so myself. but, the problem is somewhere in the "arms" of the glasses. they don't have any grip, and they aren't curved enough to grab onto my ears if i bend over. thus, they slide off of my face ALL the time. it's very irritating.
reason #21,304 was when i was on an airplane and i was in the plane's bathroom, and i leaned over to get the paper towels and my glasses slid off of my face and almost, ALMOST landed in the swirling blue water that spun in the plane's toilet. thank the LORD i have cat-like reflexes and i caught them as they flew through the air.
this is why i try to wear my contacts 99.9% of the time. my patience with my glasses is just OUT.
thank goodness i have Carla because Carla is an RN and she took care of me all night for the 3 hours that it took for me to feel normalized again. now i'm all better, at least, better enough to write an entry here! :)
Sunday, March 2, 2008
sugar-coated
divorced=unmarried.
i just got off the phone with Seth, who was calling to tell me a few things and to ask me to send our marriage license because he needs it in order to file our papers.
while i knew this call was coming because i was supposed to send it over a week ago [i honestly forgot], i realized it on friday afternoon, that i hadn't sent it yet. i knew he'd be calling anytime to remind me.
he called, and because i knew it was going to be about the marriage license, i beat him to the punch. i said "hey, i've got it in the envelope, ready to drop it in the mail tomorrow. sorry." he's like, "Yeah, I was calling to ask if you had sent it yet, please don't forget to do that. It's kind of important." [me, rolling my eyes, OH REALLY? IS IT IMPORTANT? I'M A MORON.]
small talk:
~he's sick, his throat is very scratchy. i tell him i hope he feels better. "thanks".
~his job is getting better and better, he's been promoted 2 or 3 times since he started there in September.
~my new job starts March 10, that is exciting.
~our dog throws up. [Seth puts the phone down once he's realized the dog is puking, i hear him saying "It's okay buddy, it's okay as the dog is heaving]
~how's your town?
~what travel plans do you have?
~[note:] we didn't discuss the "dating" thing again, thank goodness. still not sure if he avoided it, but since i'm not dating anyone, it's not really all that juicy.
~taxes. i ask if he filed Single or Married, which brings us to the title of my post:
Seth: I filed my taxes a few weeks ago, it was really easy. I filed Single.
me: oh cool, so it didn't give you any problems because you're not technically Single and you're not technically Married. That's the reason i haven't started on mine yet because i don't know how to file.
Seth: Actually, here in Kentucky, they have a special way to file for someone in my situation, it's called Abandoned Spouse.
me: Abandoned Spouse?
Seth: Yeah, that's what they call it.
me: That makes it sound awful, like you were left in the middle of the ocean in a lifeboat without a paddle and thousands of miles from the shore. Or like you're homeless and living in a shack. Abandoned Spouse?
Seth: Well yeah, that's what they call it.
me: Well, that makes me feel weird. i didn't abandon you.
Seth: Well.....I mean, do you want them to sugar-coat it?
me: i didn't abandon you.
Seth: That's what they call it here, that's all I know.
me: ..........Okay.
i quickly wrapped up the phonecall, i told him i hope that him and the dog both would start feeling better too. and when i hung up, i just heard that word echoing in my head: abandoned.
abandoned
abandoned
abandoned
abandoned
abandoned
abandoned
abandoned
abandoned
abandoned
i was just so hurt to hear him imply that i abandoned him. it cut me to my core. i've been struggling with feeling like i am a heartless-bitch. that i just walked away from a marriage that i should've been focusing on more to fix. but then, part of me just realizes that Seth wouldn't miss a single opportunity to take a dig at me. no matter what, whenever you are close to anyone, they know what hurts you the most. i just couldn't contain my tears, and weirdly, i pulled the collar of my t-shirt up over my eyes and let the tears fall straight onto my chest while blocking out the light. and i didn't hold it in, i cried as long as i wanted to. i hate this.
*note*
i didn't mean for this post to sound so morose and melancholy, but i just wanted to write down my raw feelings as a way of therapeutically dealing with my emotions. thank you thank you thank you for your love and support. i am doing fine, i promise, i only cried for about 10 minutes, and honestly, i know i'm just fine, and i still stand by my decision to be unmarried. if anything, Seth just reinforced the fact that he never knew how to deal with me in the first place.
love!
i just got off the phone with Seth, who was calling to tell me a few things and to ask me to send our marriage license because he needs it in order to file our papers.
while i knew this call was coming because i was supposed to send it over a week ago [i honestly forgot], i realized it on friday afternoon, that i hadn't sent it yet. i knew he'd be calling anytime to remind me.
he called, and because i knew it was going to be about the marriage license, i beat him to the punch. i said "hey, i've got it in the envelope, ready to drop it in the mail tomorrow. sorry." he's like, "Yeah, I was calling to ask if you had sent it yet, please don't forget to do that. It's kind of important." [me, rolling my eyes, OH REALLY? IS IT IMPORTANT? I'M A MORON.]
small talk:
~he's sick, his throat is very scratchy. i tell him i hope he feels better. "thanks".
~his job is getting better and better, he's been promoted 2 or 3 times since he started there in September.
~my new job starts March 10, that is exciting.
~our dog throws up. [Seth puts the phone down once he's realized the dog is puking, i hear him saying "It's okay buddy, it's okay as the dog is heaving]
~how's your town?
~what travel plans do you have?
~[note:] we didn't discuss the "dating" thing again, thank goodness. still not sure if he avoided it, but since i'm not dating anyone, it's not really all that juicy.
~taxes. i ask if he filed Single or Married, which brings us to the title of my post:
Seth: I filed my taxes a few weeks ago, it was really easy. I filed Single.
me: oh cool, so it didn't give you any problems because you're not technically Single and you're not technically Married. That's the reason i haven't started on mine yet because i don't know how to file.
Seth: Actually, here in Kentucky, they have a special way to file for someone in my situation, it's called Abandoned Spouse.
me: Abandoned Spouse?
Seth: Yeah, that's what they call it.
me: That makes it sound awful, like you were left in the middle of the ocean in a lifeboat without a paddle and thousands of miles from the shore. Or like you're homeless and living in a shack. Abandoned Spouse?
Seth: Well yeah, that's what they call it.
me: Well, that makes me feel weird. i didn't abandon you.
Seth: Well.....I mean, do you want them to sugar-coat it?
me: i didn't abandon you.
Seth: That's what they call it here, that's all I know.
me: ..........Okay.
i quickly wrapped up the phonecall, i told him i hope that him and the dog both would start feeling better too. and when i hung up, i just heard that word echoing in my head: abandoned.
abandoned
abandoned
abandoned
abandoned
abandoned
abandoned
abandoned
abandoned
abandoned
i was just so hurt to hear him imply that i abandoned him. it cut me to my core. i've been struggling with feeling like i am a heartless-bitch. that i just walked away from a marriage that i should've been focusing on more to fix. but then, part of me just realizes that Seth wouldn't miss a single opportunity to take a dig at me. no matter what, whenever you are close to anyone, they know what hurts you the most. i just couldn't contain my tears, and weirdly, i pulled the collar of my t-shirt up over my eyes and let the tears fall straight onto my chest while blocking out the light. and i didn't hold it in, i cried as long as i wanted to. i hate this.
*note*
i didn't mean for this post to sound so morose and melancholy, but i just wanted to write down my raw feelings as a way of therapeutically dealing with my emotions. thank you thank you thank you for your love and support. i am doing fine, i promise, i only cried for about 10 minutes, and honestly, i know i'm just fine, and i still stand by my decision to be unmarried. if anything, Seth just reinforced the fact that he never knew how to deal with me in the first place.
love!
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