life together

i am so happy to have friends in Raleigh.

i have always had friends, i've even been what i would consider popular (i was homecoming queen and beat out the cheerleaders!). i have people who care about me, i know this, but they are busy living their own personal adventures and walking their own paths.

i've never really had to beg people to hang out with me. but since the unmarriedment, and living in an entirely new city, i have found myself lonely for friends. of course i've been lonely for a romantic partner, but i have also been lonely for a group of friends who i can be myself around.

there is usually a 'testing' phase when you meet new people, you know, where you're super polite "If you're hot, let me know and i'll turn up the A/C." "No, no, we can go wherever, i'm in the mood to eat anything." and the 'testing' phase usually means that no one is truly being themselves. i like to skip the polite phase and just jump into being as awesomely lisa as i can. but i know that this also gets interpreted as 'coming on too strong' for new people, and that's why i've been lonely in Raleigh since January.

i just wanted to find people who can laugh, and pray, and yell, and cuss, and cry, and laugh more, and truly be themselves. but it was always hit and miss, crash and burn, with a lot of the people i've met through the restaurant job, or other various avenues of introduction. it seems like i'll get along great with someone i meet and i'm looking forward to hanging out again, and tick..tick..tick...nothing. they must not have been so impressed with me. or i'll meet someone who is moderately interesting and/or cool, only to find that they have the most irritating personality ever later on into conversation.

living with Carla is great, don't get me wrong, but it's more than that. it's finding more than one person that i can be myself around. Carla loves me, i know this, and i love her, but we can't fulfill the social needs of one another indefinitely, and so, i began attending a small group Bible Study and it has been just what i needed.

this group that i have started going to (Carla too, we both like it), is a group of people either my age or a year younger, and we meet weekly, we make meals and take them to the homeless, then we eat together, then we pray for one another, then we read the Bible. it is soo sooo sooooo nice to be with other people, in a location away from my house for one night a week (although, i've been over there more than once this week already, and i'm going tomorrow for small group!) it's been awesome to just have some regularity, have some people who are pouring their hearts into mine and vice-versa. it's nice to be cared about, joked with, and hugged. oh, the hugs are the best part. hugging is loneliness' kryptonite.

i am just so thankful, it was about time!

iowa and home again

so i spent the last week in the great state of Iowa helping with flood relief. the flooding happened on June 12, and there are still houses that haven't been touched!

i had to have some serious talks with myself so that i would actually come back to NC and not stay in Iowa indefinitely.

reasons why i couldn't stay there:
-no income (car bill, rent (no way i would get a subleaser!), student loans, utilities, car insurance, cell phone!)
-too far from people i really love
-no car
-sleeping on an air mattress is only fun in short amounts of time
-losing my job here b/c it would be 'irresponsible' for me to just not show up for a few weeks.

it really came down to the fact that i have bills to pay. if i had a guaranteed way to make money while volunteering (i.e. freelance writing or something fun), i would have stayed for sure. alas, i had to come back, and even though i miss Iowa ferociously, i am glad to be back, glad to get back to normal, and now i am daydreaming about my next Disaster Relief opportunity (not that i'm hoping for them, but natural disasters are bound to happen!)

travel

going to Iowa to volunteer for 7 days.

flight leaves in less than 7 hours.

will post intermittently throughout my trip.

i've been thinking a lot.

got a lot to say.