s'funny

it's funny when you are jolted awake by your roommate at 6:20 am.

Carla:
Leeeese! I heard crying outside and I am too scared to go to my car.

me:
whuaa?

Carla:
I hear noises every morning and sometimes it spooks me out, but I was just in the kitchen and that noise was RIGHT outside. I cannot open the door and knowingly go outside.

me:
[jumps out of bed, pulls some pants on]
okay.

we walk downstairs, open the front door, there is nothing to be noted. one of our neighbors is walking to his car, a few houses down. no explanations for the 'crying' noise.

Carla:
okay, thanks. sorry to wake you up.

me:
buuuuuuuuuuh. [zombie noise]

as i climbed the stairs back to my room, i shuttle my cat back into the room so that i can lock the door. then i promptly got scared.

it wouldn't have gotten to me except that Carla had described it as 'crying'. something is 'beeping', something is 'banging', something is 'knocking', those i could deal with.

crying? i don't do ghosts or wild animals with creepy noises. also in this category would be any type of neighbor who takes their morning walk to cry on our porch. so yeah, then i started freaking out.

this is when i wish there was a man in the house, so that he can change my oil and go scare the weeping ghosts from our front porch. boo!

it's a holiday

opposed to last year, this Thanksgiving is going to be TONS better and more fun.

last year, i had been home, living with my mother and grandfather for a month.

last year, i was focused on how alone i was. how it was my first "single" thanksgiving in over 6 years.

last year, i was ready to crawl back into bed and not be present for any part of the festivities.

this year, i live in a new house, with my awesome roomie Carla.

this year, i have never had so many people that actually care about me.

this year, i am not thinking about how i am 'single'. i've been single for over 6 months now, which is fun. i'm still cautiously learning what it means for Lisa to be Lisa and not Lisa & ______. you know?

also, my younger sister and i took a 13 hour road trip to surprise our older sister Melodie up in Massachusetts. we schemed and connived a plan with her boyfriend so that we could walk in on them at a restaurant and totally surprise her. we did and she totally cried. it was awesome. being in the car for 13 hours would not be fun for most people, but with Sophie, it was totally fun, and it actually felt like a lot less than 13 hours. i freakin love my sisters. this turkey-day is already leaps and bounds above last year's thanksgiving. the best part is that i know that i had nothing to do with it, i am learning to be thankful to God that He is the one in control and that when i let go, He can totally work a miracle in my life.

life together

i am so happy to have friends in Raleigh.

i have always had friends, i've even been what i would consider popular (i was homecoming queen and beat out the cheerleaders!). i have people who care about me, i know this, but they are busy living their own personal adventures and walking their own paths.

i've never really had to beg people to hang out with me. but since the unmarriedment, and living in an entirely new city, i have found myself lonely for friends. of course i've been lonely for a romantic partner, but i have also been lonely for a group of friends who i can be myself around.

there is usually a 'testing' phase when you meet new people, you know, where you're super polite "If you're hot, let me know and i'll turn up the A/C." "No, no, we can go wherever, i'm in the mood to eat anything." and the 'testing' phase usually means that no one is truly being themselves. i like to skip the polite phase and just jump into being as awesomely lisa as i can. but i know that this also gets interpreted as 'coming on too strong' for new people, and that's why i've been lonely in Raleigh since January.

i just wanted to find people who can laugh, and pray, and yell, and cuss, and cry, and laugh more, and truly be themselves. but it was always hit and miss, crash and burn, with a lot of the people i've met through the restaurant job, or other various avenues of introduction. it seems like i'll get along great with someone i meet and i'm looking forward to hanging out again, and tick..tick..tick...nothing. they must not have been so impressed with me. or i'll meet someone who is moderately interesting and/or cool, only to find that they have the most irritating personality ever later on into conversation.

living with Carla is great, don't get me wrong, but it's more than that. it's finding more than one person that i can be myself around. Carla loves me, i know this, and i love her, but we can't fulfill the social needs of one another indefinitely, and so, i began attending a small group Bible Study and it has been just what i needed.

this group that i have started going to (Carla too, we both like it), is a group of people either my age or a year younger, and we meet weekly, we make meals and take them to the homeless, then we eat together, then we pray for one another, then we read the Bible. it is soo sooo sooooo nice to be with other people, in a location away from my house for one night a week (although, i've been over there more than once this week already, and i'm going tomorrow for small group!) it's been awesome to just have some regularity, have some people who are pouring their hearts into mine and vice-versa. it's nice to be cared about, joked with, and hugged. oh, the hugs are the best part. hugging is loneliness' kryptonite.

i am just so thankful, it was about time!

prolonged singleness

let's review:

first boyfriend, the Outcast: dated from March 1999-May 1999 (9th grade!!!). broke up with him b/c he wanted to put his hand up my shirt and he wasn't a Christian (said i was weak because i was a Christian).

singleness: lasted from May to July, approximately 2 months.

second boyfriend, the Jock: dated from July 1999-February 2000. broke up a few days before Valentines. found out he was dating someone new one week later.

singleness: lasted from Feb 2000 to May 2000, approximately 2 months.

third boyfriend, the Heart-Throb: dated from March 2001-March 2002. but we practically dated from May 2000 to April 2002. he was my first real love, but he was too needy, and unfortunately, now he's a tool! why do the good ones go rotten?

singleness: lasted from April 2002 to June 2002, approximately 2 months.

fourth boyfriend, the OverKill Christian: dated from June 2002-September 2002. i knew he was an outspoken conservative Christian when we met, but seriously, you have never seen someone so naive to the real world. broke up with him over dinner in the cafeteria at college.

singleness: lasted from September 2002 to January 2003, approximately 4 months.

fifth boyfriend, i.e. the Unhusband: dated from 2003 to 2005, got engaged, engaged for a year, then married in June 2006. married for a year and 4 months, ended October 2007. total togetherness: 5 years almost.

singleness: lasted from October 2007 to March 2008, approximately 5 months (which was best because i was a MESS)

sixth boyfriend, the Depresso: dated from March 2008 to May 2008. i think he was definitely my "rebound" boyfriend. what was i thinking? i knew nothing about him!

currently single after that lame break-up.

do you notice the pattern that i do? i am usually only single for 2-4 months and then i'm off the market indeterminably. i recognized this pattern and shared my concern with my ever-so-fabulous roommate Carla, and we both think it might be interesting for me to be single for a while, just to see what happens.

i never really thought i was one of those women who "doesn't like to be alone", but looking at that pattern, it makes me feel like a cheesy, overly dependent wuss-woman. i'm kind of excited to see what i can come up with when left to my own devices for more than a few months.........and it's kind of nice to keep my options open for a bit. it doesn't mean i won't enjoy the men that are in my life, but i just won't be tying myself down for a while.

soliciting support

i finished Chapter 3 today: "There's Something I Have To Tell You..." Sharing Your News and Getting the Support You Need From Friends, Family and Work.

it was really hard to read over the tears that welled up in my eyes as i read the chapter. i knew it'd be tough, mainly because i'm going through a very lonely time in my life. oh yes, i am surrounded by people, the restaurant keeps me busy, living in the second highest populated city in North Carolina, i am definitely in no shortage for people. but i haven't been getting the support i need. i haven't had people asking me how i'm doing, or if they've asked, it's only a superficial question. no one offers a shoulder for me to cry on or an ear to talk to, with the sole EXCEPTION of Carla. no one calls, no one emails, and the only mail that comes are the bills, that i am currently unable to pay. my only incoming calls are from Carla.

all that to say, that the following lines inspired me:

If you are like [the authors] Kay and Sarah, you might have trouble asking for help, so allow yourself to be more demanding during this time. If people don't know how to be there for you, then give them ideas.
...People who love you will often do extraordinary things if you just give them the opportunity.

so, i decided that i am going to do just what i've been needing to do for quite a while. i need to email my friends and family and solicit their support. not one of them knows how often i cry myself to sleep. not one of them knows how lonely it is for me to be home alone for hours on end with only a kitten to comfort me. just once i'd like to have someone surprise me, with anything, something out of the ordinary. my birthday is in just over a month, and honestly, i'm already disappointed.

i'm emailing them tonight.

i'll keep you posted on the response that i get, if any.

-lisa-

----scratch that----

Carla is back in the ER tonight.

she may be in surgery by morning, she might lose one or both of her ovaries.

my prayers are that she doesn't lose either!


pray for carla!

ovarian cysts and lack of sleep=exhausted

after a few weeks of being in on-again/off-again agony, Carla went to the Emergency Room yesterday, i joined her after i got off from work, and it turns out, she was in excruciating pain because she has 2 large ovarian cysts.

crazy huh? yeah. the weirdest part is that even though they said that they'll have to operate in order to help them go away, they discharged her last night (Tuesday) and told her to come back on Friday for the operation. her question, and mine too, was mainly, what did they expect her to do all day Wednesday and Thursday?

she is literally in constant pain, and the pain medicine doesn't really cut it, and she can't really sleep or lay down.

it's crazy, and we don't know how serious it is yet, but nonetheless it's scary. scary scary scary.

on top of that, my new job has been overwhelming, but in a good way.

there is an upside and a downside to the new job:

-upside-
money, feeling more secure, less time to sit and dwell on my unmarried-ness.

-downside-
not a morning person, people at work are nice but no one talks to one another, add in the waitressing job on the side and i'm super tired.

the biggest downside is that i don't have time to blog.......

chester

i'm not sure about what your schoolyard sayings might have included, but here in North Carolina, we had one for pervy old men.

say there were to be a creepy man watching kids playing on a playground. this guy isn't there to pick up his own children, he isn't there to meet anyone, but while you're playing kickball and tagging your friends, he's in his car watching.

we called this guy Chester, Chester Child Molester. if you say it right, it rhymes perfectly, and it's funny.

anyway, it's not really something that many people say during their average day. that is, unless you are me or Carla.

we have adopted the word "Chester" to describe many things in various situations.

example 1:
chester
lisa-"Chester McGee over there won't stop staring at me, even though he's wearing a wedding band. bluh."
carla-"all men are chesters."

example 2:
chesting
lisa-"Where's Nick?"
carla-"He's over at the bar, chesting it up with the bartender. I think he's trying to get her number."

example 3:
chestering
carla-"What are you doing Lisa? are you chestering around the internet?"
lisa-"I hardly consider typing emails and IMs to over 7 different men to be chestering around....okay, yes, i'm chestering around the internet. so sue me."

example 4:
totally chest
carla-"Did you really let that guy grab your ass?"
lisa-"Yes, and it was totally chest. it won't happen again."

example 5:
chestosterone
lisa-"do you see the guy with the huge gold cross necklace, and the backwards hat, and the lazy eye over at the bar? he keeps checking you out...."
carla-"EW. he has too much chestosterone for his own good."

you'd be surprised how often you can actually use the word chester in everyday interactions.

CHESTER WEEKEND CHALLENGE:
notice the chesters all around you, notice the small interactions you have with these chesters, and when given the chance, describe this using the word chester. i promise you that you can find ways to use it all day long, you just have to look for it.

maybe you can come up with your own context to use chester in, if you do, please share!

roomie love

i am no longer living alone in my new city.

Carla has officially moved in and now resides in the room across the hall.

it is SO good to have a reason to stop talking to strangers via personal ads on the net. it is also good because she is pretty much the only person who knows how i've really been doing since the end of my marriage.

Carla and i are in need of a new fun word to describe our townhouse. when Carla used to live with my older sister Melodie, they called their place Graceland because of the huge fireplace that dominated the living room. whenever we come up with the name, i'll be sure to let you know. any ideas?


and now, let the good vibes roomie times begin! :)

******************************************************

also:

exactly how i've been feeling recently about why i went to college:

guest blog by Carla

today's post was not written by me, although, i feel like had i not gotten married, i could very well have written it myself. today's blog is written by my nearest and dearest friend, Carla. enjoy.

Sex. Why I don’t have it. Why shouldn’t I have it?
(For my future daughters or sons to read, and whoever else gives a rip about this subject)

I’m 26 years old. I’m still a virgin. What is wrong with this picture? According to all my nursing classes, we make a very big deal about this man named “Maslow” that came up with this hierarchy of needs that is necessary for all humans. The bottom of the pyramid, the part that has to be met before any other area can be, includes Shelter, Food, Safety, and SEX! All of which I participate in except for one… SEX. Well if it’s true, that sex is part of what we need to have to be functional, healthy, and self actualizing… well then I’M SCREWED- not literally of course. Christianity has taught me to wait until I’m married, to save myself for that one person to give it up to on my wedding night. Biblically I’ve only found scripture that says the marriage bed should be kept pure, and stay away from adultery- even in your thoughts… but where does it say, don’t have sex before you’re married?

I had coffee with my good friend Lori tonight and I left very frustrated… sexually and mentally speaking- but not b/c of her. We were talking about this and how she said she admired me for waiting and she doesn’t see how I do it. Not exactly an encouraging word to hear no matter how she meant it. This is a God loving, Christ committed, wonderfully happy married woman, who waited to have sex with her husband until their wedding night. She says that sex is like food and water for her, and that if for some reason her husband died, she doesn’t know how long she could go without it. That is not exactly encouraging for a virgin such as myself, or better yet a very curvatious, sexually mature, clearly fertile, raring to go 26 year old woman such as myself. I kept thinking, "man, I really am missing out!" In fact, as she talked I became more aware of how angry I was that I wasn’t having sex and how jealous I am of her that she actually gets to throw down and dirty as much as she wants every week! So I ask her, where in the bible does it really say to “wait until you are married? HUH?” She confirmed my thought with; "it doesn’t really word for word say that, you are right." We continue our conversation with all the responsibilities that come with sex, and the reason for sex, and the commitment that sex requires, and that is why God warns us about sex and sets some ground rules. I still found myself getting worked up and feeling like the Christian community has done a really good job of teaching and telling teenagers about the “don’ts” about sex but done a really shitty job of teaching the “whys” of not having sex. We have packaged it up into this “God is going to hate you if you do have sex” box and expected raging hormonal teenagers to accept that and then wonder why they turn away from the church and God in sexual shame when one day the battle between the mind and body is too hard to fight. Why did God say keep the marriage bed pure? Why did he say to steer clear of lusting after another man’s wife (or vice versa for us ladies)? Why did he say it’s better to marry than to burn in singleness?- “burning” meaning in the sexual desire sense.

Here’s what I think… and I think it’s pretty spot on! There are a few things that are for sure…

1. Sex is AWESOME! (I know that, even without having the real thing)

2. Sex connects people

3. Sex releases a billion hormones that connect people to one another

4. Sex is risky

5. Sex brings responsibility- for the person, and for the body

6. Sex is messy- physically and emotionally

7. Sex is the closest any two people can come to one another- it’s the ultimate!

8. Sex is for reproduction

9. Sex brings bodily pleasure

This is why I don’t have sex. The emotional and physical tie that it would give to me and someone would be TOO MUCH for me to let go of. The responsibility that sex brings is more than I’m willing to gamble with, with someone who might not be fully committed to me and who might not be able to take responsibility for what I will require after I have it. I am not ready to have children. I do not want an STD. I know that once I start, I won’t be able to stop. I do not want to risk being broken over having sex with someone who leaves me, when I already find it hard to get over someone who makes out with me. I don’t want to give that part of myself to someone who isn’t committed to me, who might not love me for everything that I am, and who might not be in it with me for the long haul. When will someone prove to me that they deserve my body and this fine piece of ass? When they marry me- and commit their life to me!

That’s what I think God was getting at with these rules. He knows that he made sex to be incredible, to be a vital part of life- and he knows what it intales. It takes commitment, honor, and responsibility. I don’t think that is possible in just a dating relationship, and even in an engagement- who’s to say it’s the right thing? Once you’ve given it up there is no going back and there is something lost when it is given up, as well as gained. I’m not willing to gamble losing it for nothing. Even in marriage, sex is still a gamble… but at least it’s in a commitment. People die, people marry again, mistakes are made, people marry the wrong person, people have sex anyway… but God doesn’t hate us for that. He’s just trying to let us know, “hey, I know what sex is, I made it!! I’m just trying to help you get yourself to the point and to the commitment level it takes to help you have the best sex of your life!”

I wonder if I should be so mad at my friends who are in committed relationships and are having sex. Am I angry because I’ve been taught to wait until I'm married? Am I jealous because I’m not having any? Yes, a little of both; however, speaking for myself, I’m not having it until I have the right circumstance and the right relationship… and according to the bible and according to LIFE… marriage looks like the safest place. Anything else is just asking for trouble, and risking giving away the most precious thing I can give to someone- my body, and my heart.

To my friends who have it, I say WHATEVER… but consider yourself warned, and know that I’m still a little jealous of you. If you get through dating, engagement and onto marriage being sexually active and still feel like everything worked out… well then count your blessings and thank the Lord that you didn’t have to experience any of the downsides of sex outside of marriage. I’m just not willing to risk that.

So, I’ll keep waiting… damn it. I’ll wait even when I’m dating. I’ll wait even when I’m engaged. And to Maslow, I say, I can live and function without it for now, but to my future husband I say… strap yourself in honey, because you are in for the RIDE OF YOUR LIFE… literally!

------Carla

what do you think about Carla's situation? comments? insights?

going, going, gone

it's hard to have come home and had to feel like i was an intruder in my mom/grandfather's house, and feel like a squatter because i stay at Carla's house more than she does (okay not really, but i sure am over there a lot), and to feel like i have a hodge-podge friend group made up of the random people who still live where we grew up and trying to balance hanging out and job-time, but i have to say that one of my good friends, Ray, actually, he may be one of the best friends i've ever had, is moving to Texas on Wednesday. and even though it is Sunday, a good portion of his remaining time in North Carolina is going to be spent with his family.

Carla and i are a little devastated, and i think the main reason why i am having such a hard time with Ray moving away is that i feel like i am losing a member of my family. he said to us the other day "it's not like I'm dying, I'll see you again." and while it is true, he's going to seminary in Texas and will be there for 3 years. things happen over time and i know that things will never be the same, the circumstances will have changed and we won't be able to have our quality hang out times where we laugh and joke and talk and goof off. and it's not a romantic thing for Ray in any way, he is totally like a brother to me, but it's just something about knowing that the next time we'll be able to hang-out he might have a wife in tow, or Carla could have a husband in tow, and the dynamics will be different and i don't want things to change.

moving up and moving on

just the thought of not living with my mother and grandfather anymore is enough motivation to get me the heck out of here! i am so excited to move sometime this month, but the biggest drawback right now is: i still haven't heard back from the job-front.

i can't afford to move until i know that i have a job lined up....

good news though:

Carla and i found the PERFECT place to move to, now it's just a matter of telling Joe, our new landlord, when we want to move in!

YAY!

also, i've been browsing meetup.com so that we can make a smooth transition into finding friends once we move. pretty exciting!?

alone and not

especially with the onslaught of upcoming big events in my life:

-Seth will be filing for our un-marriage-ment sometime in late January.
-i am moving with my best friend Carla to a city that is 2 hours away from where i am now.
-i am scouring, i mean, SCOURING the internet for a job, a real full-time job, my first one!

:i have been feeling out on a branch more so now than ever before.

it's so crazy to me that i am single again, that i am living at home again, that i am around the people that know the best and that treat me the best, and the ones that treat me the worst. it's like living in a time-warp, except, that i am catching up with people, but also, not catching up, because they want to know about my life, but they also don't want to witness me breaking down because they've accidentally asked me the wrong questions. and even more so than ever, i just want my friends to look at me and say "is there anything that i can do? is there anything you want to talk about?" or for them to just give me a freaking hug.

i would be willing to say that the single hardest part about being single again, for me, is the lack of human contact. sometimes the only people i actually physically touch during the day are the people that i help at the register at work, and even then, the only contact that i have with them is handing them their change, so that my fingertips might lightly graze the palm of their hand. the only people that hug me, well, actually, no one hugs me. no one touches me. it is so hard to go from having someone who hugs me whenever i want, cuddles me on the couch, holds my hand on the couch or in the car or walking to the car, and this isn't even mentioning kissing. GAH.

all of the big things i have planned for January freak me out a little bit because i am doing it all by myself, but i must also say that while i may be partially in freak out mode, i am also highly highly excited about this move and this big change. i cannot wait to live in another city, where i can stretch my legs, get my feet wet and spread my wings (to name a few cliches!). but really, i am ready for some new people, a new place to live, a new kitten!, and so so so much more.

i recently put in an application and resume with a non-profit job in the city that i am moving to, which not only excites me but makes me feel responsible. i've called and left voice-mails, but i think that maybe they had a vacation, but i am going to pester them in the nicest way possible until i can land an interview. so if you pray, pray for my job search.

oh, and i saw PS I Love You again, and i loved it even more than the first time. it's official, i have GOT to go to Ireland.

does anyone want to plan a vacation with me?! ha!