what to say.....

i am becoming more and more comfortable with sharing the fact that the divorce is finalized and that i am single....

the thing is now that it's official, the most common response that i've been getting is

"and how do you feel about it?"

it sometimes prompts me to want to scream

"ELATED!"

"OVERWHELMINGLY HAPPY!"

"LIKE A MILLION BUCKS!"

but whenever someone asks me this, i just wonder to myself, what do they mean? should i feel any differently now than i have in the past?

do they expect me to feel differently? before it was official, whenever i was asked this question, my response has been the same: it's the best decision i've ever made. ever.

seriously! the BEST decision!

now that it's official, i'm only MORE AFFIRMED that this has been the best decision for me even if it was hard.


recently i've been attending an Early 20's Singles class at a local church and while i've enjoyed meeting the people and being introduced to other people my age, i have to say, that this group of people is full of misguided, naive and ultra-conservative folks. i haven't exactly spilled the beans that i'm a recent divorcee, mainly because it's none of their business, but also because i get the slightest, faintest feeling that they might just shun me or have me wear a scarlet letter "D" to any of their group meetings!!! ha!

on their singles ministry website they have a special note saying that this group is for people who are single and have never been married.........this is something that i choose to ignore. i would think that their "divorced" class would be filled with much older, much less easy to relate to people.....

anyway, i can only imagine what their responses would be if i were to out myself and just declare to the group "You guys are so so so narrow-minded! i'm a divorcee and i've never been more at peace with a decision in my life!" i'm sure that i'd get a response of "God didn't want you to get a divorce" and "There's no room for divorce in God's love" etc etc. but right now i'm flying below radar. just trying to enjoy being around other people who are in similar life situations....with similar beliefs....but i don't know how long i'll be able to hold my tongue in such settings anymore. i just feel like they need to be shaken up a little. they need to be reminded that Jesus would've been sharing meals with Hell's Angels, prostitutes, Marilyn Manson AND me, and He would never make us wear scarlet letters.

alright.

i know that was a little scatter-brained, but i've been needing to say something about something, so that was it.

OH,

and no word on the job interview, if she wants to interview me in the second round then i will find out on Thursday....i'd be super-stoked if i were to get a second interview (the company was really fresh, the staff was really young and smart, the dress was casual, etc....) but if i don't i'm sure that God has something else in mind for me....i just hope i am smart enough to recognize it when it happens....especially because i am thisclose to putting in my 2 weeks at the restaurant <--will explain this in a separate post soon.

o-f-f-i-c-i-a-l

the UNMARRIEDMENT was OFFICIAL as of Monday July 28, 2008.



NOW IT IS TIME FOR CELEBRATION!!!!!

hopefully hired.

i'm being a little presumptive.

but i do have an interview ****fingers crossed!**** Thursday at 3:30.......

i'm so tired of waiting tables that i just want to scream!

i could rant right now, but i'm trying to focus my energy on the positive thoughts about this interview!


i'm going to take the interview before i go into details about what the job is, but know this, if i get it, i won't be working for tips!


will post again soon!

a little affirmation

so the last time that i wrote about my unmarried papers, i was wrong in assuming that those were the 'last' papers. it turns out that i had to sign one more set of papers, supposedly the LAST ones.

i took it to the Kinko's so i could make copies of them before sending them away, and i also needed to send a fax. i stepped up to the counter and handed the man my papers, i said that i needed just one copy, and that they were legal papers so i'd need to make sure they didn't get out of order.

he smiled and helped me make the copies. then he smiled and helped me send the fax.

his manager walked over at just about the time i was finishing up the fax and he asked me how i was doing.

i told him i was doing great! that i had just finalized my divorce and that freedom was soon on its way!

he smiled and said that he was glad that i was glad and he hoped i had an excellent day.

i asked how much i owed him for the copies and fax, and he said again, have an excellent day.


he didn't charge me.


even though it was just a small amount of money that he saved me, it was really really nice of them to encourage me and to tell me to have an excellent day.


i guess it's karma!

soliciting support

i finished Chapter 3 today: "There's Something I Have To Tell You..." Sharing Your News and Getting the Support You Need From Friends, Family and Work.

it was really hard to read over the tears that welled up in my eyes as i read the chapter. i knew it'd be tough, mainly because i'm going through a very lonely time in my life. oh yes, i am surrounded by people, the restaurant keeps me busy, living in the second highest populated city in North Carolina, i am definitely in no shortage for people. but i haven't been getting the support i need. i haven't had people asking me how i'm doing, or if they've asked, it's only a superficial question. no one offers a shoulder for me to cry on or an ear to talk to, with the sole EXCEPTION of Carla. no one calls, no one emails, and the only mail that comes are the bills, that i am currently unable to pay. my only incoming calls are from Carla.

all that to say, that the following lines inspired me:

If you are like [the authors] Kay and Sarah, you might have trouble asking for help, so allow yourself to be more demanding during this time. If people don't know how to be there for you, then give them ideas.
...People who love you will often do extraordinary things if you just give them the opportunity.

so, i decided that i am going to do just what i've been needing to do for quite a while. i need to email my friends and family and solicit their support. not one of them knows how often i cry myself to sleep. not one of them knows how lonely it is for me to be home alone for hours on end with only a kitten to comfort me. just once i'd like to have someone surprise me, with anything, something out of the ordinary. my birthday is in just over a month, and honestly, i'm already disappointed.

i'm emailing them tonight.

i'll keep you posted on the response that i get, if any.

-lisa-

standing at a crossroads

i don't want to work at the restaurant anymore. i can't take it. i want to help with the flood relief in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, but i can't afford to just up and go out there. i want to be making a difference, i want to be paid to live my life and not begging for hours to get tips from people.

but i keep standing back, looking at my life, asking, seriously, "what does God want me to be learning from my life right now?"

WHAT does He want me to be learning?

what direction am i going in?

what am i supposed to do?


being at a crossroads means that i feel like my feet are confused, they don't know which way to point, which in turn gives me rubber knees and that awful shaky wobbly leg feeling.

WHAT?!

still reading

still reading that book. it's totally awesome. still highly recommend it for you to read.


now i'm just juggling feelings of being overwhelmed..... i gotta find a job.


........................



bluh.