it has been a long time since i sat down to write in this blog, a lot of things have happened:
1- Seth officially filed our unmarried papers. He sent them to me in the mail, and regardless of what the movies [Sweet Home Alabama] lead you to believe, there are no little tabs telling you where to sign, and when you leave the initial paperwork up to the un-husband, he will have to remember all the basics about your wedding day and it will only go to show that he did not do any of the planning otherwise he would have gotten the church's address right AND the county of the marriage license right too. i had to fix these errors, FLAG them and initial them and talk to him about how he "oops" it up.
2-as i signed those papers, those glorious papers, i made copies for my own files and i was in my cubicle at work, thinking to myself, "Wow. That makes it official." and usually at my desk i listen to Pandora Radio and i keep it on upbeat music or folksy stuff, stuff that i can listen to while not losing my focus. But this day, i had turned it off for some reason and the music from my neighbor's cubicle was floating over. and it was no coincidence that this is what i heard:
it was monumental. i felt like it was the perfect music for the mood that i was in, and my neighbor from whose cubicle it was emanating, had been a music major in college and told me that the name of the song was Carmina Burana. so, i Googled it and got a translation:
O Fortune,
like the moon
with its changing phases,
you are ever growing
and waning;
hateful life
first oppresses
and then soothes
as fancy takes it;
Poverty
and power
it melts them like ice.
Fate - monstrous
and empty,
you whirling wheel,
you are malevolent,
well-being is vain
and always fades to nothing.
Shadowed
and veiled
you plague me too;
now through the game
I bring my bare back
to your villainy.
When health
and virtue
are against me,
are only pain
and exhaustion,
forever in this vale of tears.
So at this hour
without delay
pluck the vibrating strings;
since Fate
strikes down the string man,
everyone weep with me!
and when i read those words, i reflected on my marriage and i felt the feelings of worthlessness and unloveability flood over me and i folded those official papers and i shoved them into the envelope with Seth's lawyer's name on it and i stuck a stamp on it and dropped it into the mail.
not anymore.
one step closer, one official step closer to being officially unmarried.
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3 comments:
It's amazing how sometimes we hear or see the things that we most need to right when we most need them. Whether it's to make us feel better about something or whether it's piss us off enough to move, it always seems to happen. Deepak Chopra says we should pay close attention to those coincidences because they are the road signs on the path of our life telling us where to go. Sounds like you found your freeway exit.
O Fortuna is a GREAT piece, it's one of my favourites! I too am a music uni grad :)
I'm glad you got to hear it at this particular moment in your life.
Oh the details of a divorce. Glad you're finding some comfort and that things are ok!
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