i lost my job on monday.
apparently they were looking for someone new and gave me no notice.
i am glad that Tuesday was full of snow and Obama-rama.
today i spent time with people who made me feel valued and loved, esp b/c my friend Simon watched "Beaches" with me.
now that is the sign of a true friend, although, he didn't cry. i have seen that movie at least 20 times and i cry every time. now onto praying for whatever is next. i can't be unemployed for very long, my bills won't pay themselves. bah!
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
electronic mail
i e-mailed Seth today to 'catch up'. i had tried calling him a few weeks ago, and i had tried not to slip up and look at his facebook page anymore, but i'm super nosey i guess. completely non-nostalgic, i just want to hear that he's doing okay. anyhoo. i kept it super-breezy, and i sent it at like, 7:00, and he hasn't respsonded.
i guess i know that he doesn't even have to respond, it'd just be nice to hear from him. i don't really know that i can pinpoint the real exact reason i may have emailed him, but bah, it's too late now!
i will keep you updated if he gets back to me.
must sleep. work will be hard if i don't.
i guess i know that he doesn't even have to respond, it'd just be nice to hear from him. i don't really know that i can pinpoint the real exact reason i may have emailed him, but bah, it's too late now!
i will keep you updated if he gets back to me.
must sleep. work will be hard if i don't.
Friday, December 19, 2008
just in time for Christmas.
so, lately i've been comparing my life to walking down a dead end road.
marriage was a dead end.
seminary was a dead end.
getting a job at that book company was a dead end.
waiting tables for 6 months was a dead end.
now, my nanny job has become a dead end.
not that i thought i'd be a nanny forever, wait Peter Pan, children do get older, they won't need me forever. but i did think that at most i would be employed by this family until next July and then i would try and become a teacher. that was my plan.
that was the plan until i realized that the family i work full-time for gave me 2 weeks off for Christmas because they don't need me and they are not going to be paying me for any time off. AND on top of this, when i voiced my insight on how Nanny-etiquette would dictate a situation like this should be handled, they met me with resistance and insisted that they should not pay me. i tried to stand firm and they eventually met me 1/4 of the way, AND in the process said something along the lines of "Jill thinks we're overpaying you enough as it is....." and the father went into a little bit of a rant about how i only have one child while the other is at school. blah blah blah.
let me just say that in NO circumstances should an employer mention to an employee that they want to keep that they think they are 'overpaying' them.
wow. that was such a slap in the face. and the worst part is that i had to take their offer because i have no other options. i have no savings to fall back on. i don't have parents that can shower me with unwarranted monies. i have too much pride to ask people for money. so i have to grin and bear it with this job until i find something else. on top of that, there seem to be 100,000,000 hoops to jump through in order to become a teacher in Wake county. awesome.
it's all just in time for Christmas.
i know that this year has been great and that i have learned so much, but i am still just feeling so
dis:
-enchanted
-illusioned
-gusted
-appointed
-couraged
and since i've got 2 weeks off, i know myself well enough to know that i won't be nearly as proactive as i will need to be in order to find another job....but i want to prove myself wrong. BLAH so much to think about!
marriage was a dead end.
seminary was a dead end.
getting a job at that book company was a dead end.
waiting tables for 6 months was a dead end.
now, my nanny job has become a dead end.
not that i thought i'd be a nanny forever, wait Peter Pan, children do get older, they won't need me forever. but i did think that at most i would be employed by this family until next July and then i would try and become a teacher. that was my plan.
that was the plan until i realized that the family i work full-time for gave me 2 weeks off for Christmas because they don't need me and they are not going to be paying me for any time off. AND on top of this, when i voiced my insight on how Nanny-etiquette would dictate a situation like this should be handled, they met me with resistance and insisted that they should not pay me. i tried to stand firm and they eventually met me 1/4 of the way, AND in the process said something along the lines of "Jill thinks we're overpaying you enough as it is....." and the father went into a little bit of a rant about how i only have one child while the other is at school. blah blah blah.
let me just say that in NO circumstances should an employer mention to an employee that they want to keep that they think they are 'overpaying' them.
wow. that was such a slap in the face. and the worst part is that i had to take their offer because i have no other options. i have no savings to fall back on. i don't have parents that can shower me with unwarranted monies. i have too much pride to ask people for money. so i have to grin and bear it with this job until i find something else. on top of that, there seem to be 100,000,000 hoops to jump through in order to become a teacher in Wake county. awesome.
it's all just in time for Christmas.
i know that this year has been great and that i have learned so much, but i am still just feeling so
dis:
-enchanted
-illusioned
-gusted
-appointed
-couraged
and since i've got 2 weeks off, i know myself well enough to know that i won't be nearly as proactive as i will need to be in order to find another job....but i want to prove myself wrong. BLAH so much to think about!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
heart chaos.
i would be pretending if i said that everything is coming up roses in my life right now.
in the past week i have had 5 serious talks with 4 separate people about things that have been experienced or observed about interactions with said people, and those kind of serious conversations always take a lot out of me. like, my appetite goes away and whatever i do eat gives me serious stomach problems. my nerves just go straight through the roof, it's obnoxious.
also, i called Seth last week and got an automated voicemail, didn't leave a message, but then called him the next night and left a message. tried to do like Monica and sound 'breezy' [Friends? anyone?] but i wasn't calling for any reason except to see how he's doing. it has been over 400 days since i saw him, and right at about 6 months since i last spoke with him [since May] and i haven't missed him or wanted to be back with him once. i can honestly stand behind our decision to split, but that doesn't mean that i don't want to be cordial and call him. and, the holiday cheer/spirit got to me and i felt like it's probably the most appropriate time of the year to extend an olive branch.
he hasn't called back.
i wonder if i have the wrong number. either way, i'm not too worried about it. mostly because i do what any good 'ex' would do, i.e. i used facebook to check on him.
back in October i realized that i was looking at his page too often, and so i blocked him and i hadn't allowed myself to look at his page for a very long time. but on Sunday night, i guess i relapsed, i went into facebook, unblocked him, looked at his page, and then promplty re-blocked him. it's so funny to type it, to admit it out there in the cyberspaces, that i am one of those people, but that's how i do. :) i was happy to see that he changed his profile picture and seems to be tagged in a few pictures at parties and stuff. so he's being social. also, and probably most critical to me, he is still listed as Single. although, after reading the latest on his wall posts, the girls he is meeting out there seem to be chatting him up quite a bit. so good for that. i think i mainly check on him because i get worried that he has sequestered himself and might not be too social. but it looks like he's doing a good job of getting out, so that is the best thing i could ask for.
of course, if he calls, i will post. if he doesn't, i imagine i will be posting anyway, because the holidays make me think a LOT.
the title 'heart chaos' also has to do with a lot of my emotional state right now, i am feeling the ache to have a love that 'lasts forever' [i have sappy movies to blame for that]. i am feeling like i wasted 2008 and that i still don't have a 'Big Girl' job like i wanted to have back in January. i am feeling like i am always too quick to talk and volunteer things about myself before i take the time to listen [i am getting a big "SHUT UP" sign from God right now]. i am feeling like the only boys i might ever be interested in romantically, could potentially, reject me because of the fact that i have a past that doesn't exactly shine like the sun. i am feeling like there are issues with my family that i just can't pinpoint, that i would rather crawl to the top of Mt. Everest in a bikini than sit at my grandmother's table and eat Christmas dinner for 1 minute {what is it?!}
so much to think about. so much heart chaos.
in the past week i have had 5 serious talks with 4 separate people about things that have been experienced or observed about interactions with said people, and those kind of serious conversations always take a lot out of me. like, my appetite goes away and whatever i do eat gives me serious stomach problems. my nerves just go straight through the roof, it's obnoxious.
also, i called Seth last week and got an automated voicemail, didn't leave a message, but then called him the next night and left a message. tried to do like Monica and sound 'breezy' [Friends? anyone?] but i wasn't calling for any reason except to see how he's doing. it has been over 400 days since i saw him, and right at about 6 months since i last spoke with him [since May] and i haven't missed him or wanted to be back with him once. i can honestly stand behind our decision to split, but that doesn't mean that i don't want to be cordial and call him. and, the holiday cheer/spirit got to me and i felt like it's probably the most appropriate time of the year to extend an olive branch.
he hasn't called back.
i wonder if i have the wrong number. either way, i'm not too worried about it. mostly because i do what any good 'ex' would do, i.e. i used facebook to check on him.
back in October i realized that i was looking at his page too often, and so i blocked him and i hadn't allowed myself to look at his page for a very long time. but on Sunday night, i guess i relapsed, i went into facebook, unblocked him, looked at his page, and then promplty re-blocked him. it's so funny to type it, to admit it out there in the cyberspaces, that i am one of those people, but that's how i do. :) i was happy to see that he changed his profile picture and seems to be tagged in a few pictures at parties and stuff. so he's being social. also, and probably most critical to me, he is still listed as Single. although, after reading the latest on his wall posts, the girls he is meeting out there seem to be chatting him up quite a bit. so good for that. i think i mainly check on him because i get worried that he has sequestered himself and might not be too social. but it looks like he's doing a good job of getting out, so that is the best thing i could ask for.
of course, if he calls, i will post. if he doesn't, i imagine i will be posting anyway, because the holidays make me think a LOT.
the title 'heart chaos' also has to do with a lot of my emotional state right now, i am feeling the ache to have a love that 'lasts forever' [i have sappy movies to blame for that]. i am feeling like i wasted 2008 and that i still don't have a 'Big Girl' job like i wanted to have back in January. i am feeling like i am always too quick to talk and volunteer things about myself before i take the time to listen [i am getting a big "SHUT UP" sign from God right now]. i am feeling like the only boys i might ever be interested in romantically, could potentially, reject me because of the fact that i have a past that doesn't exactly shine like the sun. i am feeling like there are issues with my family that i just can't pinpoint, that i would rather crawl to the top of Mt. Everest in a bikini than sit at my grandmother's table and eat Christmas dinner for 1 minute {what is it?!}
so much to think about. so much heart chaos.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
re-adjusting
definitely gonna have to readjust my sleeping patterns now that my work week is 7:30a-5p Monday through Thursday! AND i'm gonna have to start getting things done when i get home in the afternoon.
i'd like to work in time to read the books i'm in the middle of (still haven't finished the divorce book even though i am itching to!) and i need to DEFINITELY schedule in some work-out time (considering i had to peel my jeans off tonight, literally, peel, it made me feel disgusting).....
i'm just going to have to do a lot of readjusting, especially because it's something i've always struggled with, time management. bluh! i hate growing up.
alright.
i have to be at my new nanny job in 8 hours........must sleep............now!
(will tell more about the job in the next post, promise!)
i'd like to work in time to read the books i'm in the middle of (still haven't finished the divorce book even though i am itching to!) and i need to DEFINITELY schedule in some work-out time (considering i had to peel my jeans off tonight, literally, peel, it made me feel disgusting).....
i'm just going to have to do a lot of readjusting, especially because it's something i've always struggled with, time management. bluh! i hate growing up.
alright.
i have to be at my new nanny job in 8 hours........must sleep............now!
(will tell more about the job in the next post, promise!)
Sunday, July 13, 2008
soliciting support
i finished Chapter 3 today: "There's Something I Have To Tell You..." Sharing Your News and Getting the Support You Need From Friends, Family and Work.
it was really hard to read over the tears that welled up in my eyes as i read the chapter. i knew it'd be tough, mainly because i'm going through a very lonely time in my life. oh yes, i am surrounded by people, the restaurant keeps me busy, living in the second highest populated city in North Carolina, i am definitely in no shortage for people. but i haven't been getting the support i need. i haven't had people asking me how i'm doing, or if they've asked, it's only a superficial question. no one offers a shoulder for me to cry on or an ear to talk to, with the sole EXCEPTION of Carla. no one calls, no one emails, and the only mail that comes are the bills, that i am currently unable to pay. my only incoming calls are from Carla.
all that to say, that the following lines inspired me:
i'm emailing them tonight.
i'll keep you posted on the response that i get, if any.
-lisa-
it was really hard to read over the tears that welled up in my eyes as i read the chapter. i knew it'd be tough, mainly because i'm going through a very lonely time in my life. oh yes, i am surrounded by people, the restaurant keeps me busy, living in the second highest populated city in North Carolina, i am definitely in no shortage for people. but i haven't been getting the support i need. i haven't had people asking me how i'm doing, or if they've asked, it's only a superficial question. no one offers a shoulder for me to cry on or an ear to talk to, with the sole EXCEPTION of Carla. no one calls, no one emails, and the only mail that comes are the bills, that i am currently unable to pay. my only incoming calls are from Carla.
all that to say, that the following lines inspired me:
If you are like [the authors] Kay and Sarah, you might have trouble asking for help, so allow yourself to be more demanding during this time. If people don't know how to be there for you, then give them ideas.so, i decided that i am going to do just what i've been needing to do for quite a while. i need to email my friends and family and solicit their support. not one of them knows how often i cry myself to sleep. not one of them knows how lonely it is for me to be home alone for hours on end with only a kitten to comfort me. just once i'd like to have someone surprise me, with anything, something out of the ordinary. my birthday is in just over a month, and honestly, i'm already disappointed.
...People who love you will often do extraordinary things if you just give them the opportunity.
i'm emailing them tonight.
i'll keep you posted on the response that i get, if any.
-lisa-
Saturday, July 12, 2008
standing at a crossroads
i don't want to work at the restaurant anymore. i can't take it. i want to help with the flood relief in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, but i can't afford to just up and go out there. i want to be making a difference, i want to be paid to live my life and not begging for hours to get tips from people.
but i keep standing back, looking at my life, asking, seriously, "what does God want me to be learning from my life right now?"
WHAT does He want me to be learning?
what direction am i going in?
what am i supposed to do?
being at a crossroads means that i feel like my feet are confused, they don't know which way to point, which in turn gives me rubber knees and that awful shaky wobbly leg feeling.
WHAT?!
but i keep standing back, looking at my life, asking, seriously, "what does God want me to be learning from my life right now?"
WHAT does He want me to be learning?
what direction am i going in?
what am i supposed to do?
being at a crossroads means that i feel like my feet are confused, they don't know which way to point, which in turn gives me rubber knees and that awful shaky wobbly leg feeling.
WHAT?!
Friday, June 20, 2008
new book, new insight.
clearly, i have an undying affection for books, as i have aptly named my own blog after the way that my life has crept along, book by book.
over the holidays while i worked in a mainstream bookstore, i spent some of my off-time and breaks looking over the section with the title "Divorce", in the lifestyles section near "Death" and "Homosexuality" (i have no idea why they were all grouped together), but as i looked over the shelves, i noticed that most of the books were aimed towards a different divorced woman than myself.
they were geared for women with children, older women, women who cheated, women who were cheated on, or the legal proceedings and psychological tolls of dealing with the loss of a spouse after a lengthy marriage.
where were the books for the:
childless
young
short marriages?
i never found what i wanted on the shelves at the bookstore, i guess there isn't yet a wide-spread market for women [or men] in this status. but i did find what i wanted when i went home and googling until i hit a title that looked like it was just what i was looking for:
Not Your Mother's Divorce
by Kay Moffett and Sarah Touborg
i wrote it down in my little notebook [all great writer's carry around a notebook for jotting things, too bad mine isn't always for brilliant writing ideas, and it's more so for lists of things i need to remember]...
and i forgot about it.
until about a week ago, when i was flipping through my little notebook and saw the title. i went to my local library's website (Lavar Burton would be so proud of me!) and i found it and put a request on it. i picked it up this morning and devoured the first chapter.
i will be sharing my own insights on the book, if you can get your hands on a copy, we could do an online bookclub! so far, i find myself nodding along, agreeing on everything i read, my eyes welling up with tears as i read the chapter titles:
1-Where Did Our Love Go?
2-Suddenly Single
3-"There's Something I Need To Tell You" Sharing the news, and getting the support you need from friends, family and work.
4-Losing a Bed, a Bank Account, and a Roommate Physical and Financial Separation
5-Untying the Knot The Legal Process
6-In the Company of a Vivid Ghost Encounters with Your Ex
7-Here Comes the Divorcee Single in Society
8-The Dating Scene-Take Two
9-Retying the Knot-or Not
10-When Life Hands You Limes, Make Mojitos
already, i want to skip ahead and read Chapter 3 right away....but i'm finishing up Chapter 1....the rest will come in time.
over the holidays while i worked in a mainstream bookstore, i spent some of my off-time and breaks looking over the section with the title "Divorce", in the lifestyles section near "Death" and "Homosexuality" (i have no idea why they were all grouped together), but as i looked over the shelves, i noticed that most of the books were aimed towards a different divorced woman than myself.
they were geared for women with children, older women, women who cheated, women who were cheated on, or the legal proceedings and psychological tolls of dealing with the loss of a spouse after a lengthy marriage.
where were the books for the:
childless
young
short marriages?
i never found what i wanted on the shelves at the bookstore, i guess there isn't yet a wide-spread market for women [or men] in this status. but i did find what i wanted when i went home and googling until i hit a title that looked like it was just what i was looking for:
Not Your Mother's Divorce
by Kay Moffett and Sarah Touborg
i wrote it down in my little notebook [all great writer's carry around a notebook for jotting things, too bad mine isn't always for brilliant writing ideas, and it's more so for lists of things i need to remember]...
and i forgot about it.
until about a week ago, when i was flipping through my little notebook and saw the title. i went to my local library's website (Lavar Burton would be so proud of me!) and i found it and put a request on it. i picked it up this morning and devoured the first chapter.
i will be sharing my own insights on the book, if you can get your hands on a copy, we could do an online bookclub! so far, i find myself nodding along, agreeing on everything i read, my eyes welling up with tears as i read the chapter titles:
1-Where Did Our Love Go?
2-Suddenly Single
3-"There's Something I Need To Tell You" Sharing the news, and getting the support you need from friends, family and work.
4-Losing a Bed, a Bank Account, and a Roommate Physical and Financial Separation
5-Untying the Knot The Legal Process
6-In the Company of a Vivid Ghost Encounters with Your Ex
7-Here Comes the Divorcee Single in Society
8-The Dating Scene-Take Two
9-Retying the Knot-or Not
10-When Life Hands You Limes, Make Mojitos
already, i want to skip ahead and read Chapter 3 right away....but i'm finishing up Chapter 1....the rest will come in time.
Friday, April 4, 2008
whirlwind
my life since i started my full-time job has definitely been a BIG change, and honestly, i'm not sure how i feel about it.
gotta be honest:
i don't like sitting all day.
i don't like sitting in a cubicle all day.
i don't like sitting in a cubicle all day talking to people on the phone.
i don't like sitting in a cubicle all day talking to people on the phone without talking to hardly anyone else in person.
sucks.
what's worse is that my cube is so far deep into the room that, if i didn't have to ask my co-workers' any questions about the procedures i wouldn't know what the weather was like outside.
it's a little depressing.
also,
i don't have time to blog or read blogs.
and it makes me sad.
:(
also. i missed one day of work, i missed 30 minutes of work another day, and according to the employee handbook, if i am late or miss work one more time until April 1 2009 TWO-THOUSAND-NINE, i can be terminated.
awesome.
i've not even been there a month, and i'm on my "final warning". Shit.
gotta be honest:
i don't like sitting all day.
i don't like sitting in a cubicle all day.
i don't like sitting in a cubicle all day talking to people on the phone.
i don't like sitting in a cubicle all day talking to people on the phone without talking to hardly anyone else in person.
sucks.
what's worse is that my cube is so far deep into the room that, if i didn't have to ask my co-workers' any questions about the procedures i wouldn't know what the weather was like outside.
it's a little depressing.
also,
i don't have time to blog or read blogs.
and it makes me sad.
:(
also. i missed one day of work, i missed 30 minutes of work another day, and according to the employee handbook, if i am late or miss work one more time until April 1 2009 TWO-THOUSAND-NINE, i can be terminated.
awesome.
i've not even been there a month, and i'm on my "final warning". Shit.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
in the back of my mind
i am not one to wallow.
i don't like when people dwell on things and/or dig them up only to beat them to death again, but, i have found myself wishing i could just have someone who:
could go investigate scary noises in the middle of the night,
could pop the hood of my car up and tell me why it has started to sound like an old wheezing man,
would hold me close and smell my hair,
call me for no reason except to say that he thinks i'm great,
tells me funny stories because he knows they'll make me laugh,
i guess i'm just feeling lonely for some male attention. and the other thing is, all of those things that i want are things that Seth never did for me, so really, if i ever had these things, i haven't had them or experienced them in over 5 years.
Lord i need a job so that i can stop dwelling on this stuff!!!!
i don't like when people dwell on things and/or dig them up only to beat them to death again, but, i have found myself wishing i could just have someone who:
could go investigate scary noises in the middle of the night,
could pop the hood of my car up and tell me why it has started to sound like an old wheezing man,
would hold me close and smell my hair,
call me for no reason except to say that he thinks i'm great,
tells me funny stories because he knows they'll make me laugh,
i guess i'm just feeling lonely for some male attention. and the other thing is, all of those things that i want are things that Seth never did for me, so really, if i ever had these things, i haven't had them or experienced them in over 5 years.
Lord i need a job so that i can stop dwelling on this stuff!!!!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
not to be mean
but this is just one, tiny, insignificant example of why i am glad i was no longer trying to put on a sham marriage. it is a picture of a friend of mine, who i feel like lives in a bubble, and her poor poor husband must have had his manlihood handed over to her when they met in high school. seriously, this guy has no balls (or at least, it is not evident that he does!).
i have tried my best to conceal their identities, but please, just take the time to let this picture soak in.
they have 2 cats and 2 dogs.
there are large, Christmas bows on ALL of the pets.
the pets just want to get the picture over with.
my question is, who took this picture? i don't know, i just don't get it. as i have known this couple for over 4 years now [they've been married for 2 years], i never really felt like they actually knew each other.
anyway. just thought i would share.
maybe i'm having a cynical day because i haven't heard ANYTHING out of ANY of the jobs i have applied for. and now i am out sitting on a limb, all alone, trying to figure out what's next.
OH,
and tonight i have to drive home and get a little sleep before i have to get up at 4 am to get in a car with my friend Jeanne and DRIVE to Florida for her wedding on Sunday.
did i mention that i am her only bridesmaid? did i mention that she has been a TOTAL BRIDEZILLA since the day she got engaged in August?!! did i also mention that i entrusted the hemming of my dress to my mother and thus far, she has done a really shitty job of it..........and now there is no time left to go get professional alterations done.....so.....i'm hoping my mother got my crafty grandmother to help with it. i really don't want to have to wear a dress that looks rough at the hem-line, and i especially don't want to deal with what i know will only be hellfire and brimstone if Jeannie thinks it looks shitty. OH LORD.
so, this weekend, while all of you lovely people are living fun lives full of volleyball classes and date-nights and playing with your beautiful children, i will be traveling in an SUV from North Carolina to Florida, hopefully squeezing in time to blog, read, and ignore the fact that while my marriage may have failed (miserably) i am there to support my friend Jeannie as she starts her own journey into married *bliss*.
i think i am also in charge of writing a toast for the reception (something i have always wanted to do!) here's all that i have come up with so far, especially because i'm in a cynical spell right now:
I could stand up here and go on and on about how long we've known each other and how you have been like a sister to me for so many years, but above all, Jeannie and Charles, i wish for you three things. 1-Best of Luck, 2-Abundant love and joy, and 3-Wisdom to recognize God's blessings in your life together. CHEERS!
i have tried my best to conceal their identities, but please, just take the time to let this picture soak in.
they have 2 cats and 2 dogs.
there are large, Christmas bows on ALL of the pets.
the pets just want to get the picture over with.
my question is, who took this picture? i don't know, i just don't get it. as i have known this couple for over 4 years now [they've been married for 2 years], i never really felt like they actually knew each other.
anyway. just thought i would share.
maybe i'm having a cynical day because i haven't heard ANYTHING out of ANY of the jobs i have applied for. and now i am out sitting on a limb, all alone, trying to figure out what's next.
OH,
and tonight i have to drive home and get a little sleep before i have to get up at 4 am to get in a car with my friend Jeanne and DRIVE to Florida for her wedding on Sunday.
did i mention that i am her only bridesmaid? did i mention that she has been a TOTAL BRIDEZILLA since the day she got engaged in August?!! did i also mention that i entrusted the hemming of my dress to my mother and thus far, she has done a really shitty job of it..........and now there is no time left to go get professional alterations done.....so.....i'm hoping my mother got my crafty grandmother to help with it. i really don't want to have to wear a dress that looks rough at the hem-line, and i especially don't want to deal with what i know will only be hellfire and brimstone if Jeannie thinks it looks shitty. OH LORD.
so, this weekend, while all of you lovely people are living fun lives full of volleyball classes and date-nights and playing with your beautiful children, i will be traveling in an SUV from North Carolina to Florida, hopefully squeezing in time to blog, read, and ignore the fact that while my marriage may have failed (miserably) i am there to support my friend Jeannie as she starts her own journey into married *bliss*.
i think i am also in charge of writing a toast for the reception (something i have always wanted to do!) here's all that i have come up with so far, especially because i'm in a cynical spell right now:
I could stand up here and go on and on about how long we've known each other and how you have been like a sister to me for so many years, but above all, Jeannie and Charles, i wish for you three things. 1-Best of Luck, 2-Abundant love and joy, and 3-Wisdom to recognize God's blessings in your life together. CHEERS!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
ettiquette for the unmarried
so.
Seth and i spent a long time picking out the fine china from the Kate Spade collection, only to use it once, and now that we are getting un-married, well, we certainly have no use for it. so i called him and left him a voicemail the other night, just to say that we needed to talk.
he called today and we talked. i asked him what we should do about the china, and he said that he would have to talk to his aunt because all of our china is over there at her house...but i think the plan is try to return it, and then split the money.
then i asked about whether or not he had filed the un-marry-ment papers, and he was like, "I haven't had the chance yet, I've been working during daytime work hours, so I haven't gotten to talk to the lawyers yet." and i was like, well, let me know when you do, okay? and he's like "Well, okay, but I am busy, so I will try to fit it in."
then he says, "I've still be thinking about those rings, and I think that you need to give them back so that I can sell them because I mean, I bought them with my money, so I think it is only fair that I should have them back."
me: "i don't agree, i mean, you gave them to me. they are mine."
him: "but I bought them"
me: "but they belong to me. they are mine to keep or sell or do whatever i want with."
him: "okay, well I think we should talk about this more later."
me: "well, i'm going to hold onto them."
when i hung up i just wanted to throw the phone. i had hot tears welling up in my eyes. how does he still have the power to make me feel like sh*t from 4 states away. UGH.
they are not his rings, they are mine. am i wrong?
Seth and i spent a long time picking out the fine china from the Kate Spade collection, only to use it once, and now that we are getting un-married, well, we certainly have no use for it. so i called him and left him a voicemail the other night, just to say that we needed to talk.
he called today and we talked. i asked him what we should do about the china, and he said that he would have to talk to his aunt because all of our china is over there at her house...but i think the plan is try to return it, and then split the money.
then i asked about whether or not he had filed the un-marry-ment papers, and he was like, "I haven't had the chance yet, I've been working during daytime work hours, so I haven't gotten to talk to the lawyers yet." and i was like, well, let me know when you do, okay? and he's like "Well, okay, but I am busy, so I will try to fit it in."
then he says, "I've still be thinking about those rings, and I think that you need to give them back so that I can sell them because I mean, I bought them with my money, so I think it is only fair that I should have them back."
me: "i don't agree, i mean, you gave them to me. they are mine."
him: "but I bought them"
me: "but they belong to me. they are mine to keep or sell or do whatever i want with."
him: "okay, well I think we should talk about this more later."
me: "well, i'm going to hold onto them."
when i hung up i just wanted to throw the phone. i had hot tears welling up in my eyes. how does he still have the power to make me feel like sh*t from 4 states away. UGH.
they are not his rings, they are mine. am i wrong?
Thursday, December 20, 2007
sickeningly sweet
i found one of Dr. Phil's books, Love Smart, on the bargain shelves at work for $2.99, so i bought it.
i'm only about 3 pages in right now, but so far, i have 2 gripes about this book:
1-the full title is: Love Smart, Find the One You Want-Fix the One You Got
fix the one you got? really? are you supposed to FIX someone if you don't like them?
and
2-there are these annoying little hearts on EVERY PAGE.
there are hearts as bullet points, there are hearts as chapter openers, there are hearts surrounding every page number on EVERY page.
it's like your worst Valentine's day nightmare, page after page. i think Cupid would even get sick to his stomach seeing this many hearts!
bluh!
and please, don't be shy, leave a comment, i love feedback!
i'm only about 3 pages in right now, but so far, i have 2 gripes about this book:
1-the full title is: Love Smart, Find the One You Want-Fix the One You Got
fix the one you got? really? are you supposed to FIX someone if you don't like them?
and
2-there are these annoying little hearts on EVERY PAGE.
there are hearts as bullet points, there are hearts as chapter openers, there are hearts surrounding every page number on EVERY page.
it's like your worst Valentine's day nightmare, page after page. i think Cupid would even get sick to his stomach seeing this many hearts!
bluh!
and please, don't be shy, leave a comment, i love feedback!
Monday, December 17, 2007
mil
i dreamed about my mother-in-law last night.
unlike most of my married friends, i never ever once disliked my mother-in-law, not in the slightest littlest way. she was always very honest with me, very sweet to me, and in general, i loved her in a way that i do not even love my own mother.
that said, leaving my husband meant that i left her too, and i honestly miss her a lot and wish i could talk to her. but i haven't decided if enough time has gone by yet, so i haven't talked to her, but i do plan on talking to her someday.
but last night, i dreamed about her.
oddly, i dreamed that she was the window-server at a McDonald's drive through, and i was in my car ordering when i heard a very familiar voice ask me what i wanted to order.
so as i pulled around to the window, there she was. smiling at me with her sweet smile and showering me in good vibes. i asked her if she could hop in my car and come with me so we could talk.
and we talked, and i explained why i left Seth, and she said she understood and that she was happy that we were able to make such an adult decision and she said that she loved me and that we would always be family.
and when i woke up, i felt like i had actually talked to her and that she still loved me very much, and even though i know i didn't actually talk to her, i felt better today because of that dream.
i pray that one day i will be able to have coffee with her and that she will always love me as much as i loved her.
unlike most of my married friends, i never ever once disliked my mother-in-law, not in the slightest littlest way. she was always very honest with me, very sweet to me, and in general, i loved her in a way that i do not even love my own mother.
that said, leaving my husband meant that i left her too, and i honestly miss her a lot and wish i could talk to her. but i haven't decided if enough time has gone by yet, so i haven't talked to her, but i do plan on talking to her someday.
but last night, i dreamed about her.
oddly, i dreamed that she was the window-server at a McDonald's drive through, and i was in my car ordering when i heard a very familiar voice ask me what i wanted to order.
so as i pulled around to the window, there she was. smiling at me with her sweet smile and showering me in good vibes. i asked her if she could hop in my car and come with me so we could talk.
and we talked, and i explained why i left Seth, and she said she understood and that she was happy that we were able to make such an adult decision and she said that she loved me and that we would always be family.
and when i woke up, i felt like i had actually talked to her and that she still loved me very much, and even though i know i didn't actually talk to her, i felt better today because of that dream.
i pray that one day i will be able to have coffee with her and that she will always love me as much as i loved her.
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