stirring it up

so, Carla and i went and saw the Sex and the City movie last night even though neither one of us ever really watched the show, and let me just say that i loved it.

i don't want to ruin it for you if you haven't seen it, and believe me, there are really great and hilarious moments in it as well as some heart-aching moments, and i don't want to give them away at all, but the movie really stirred something up inside of me.

during one of the scenes in the middle of the movie i really really felt like i was being crushed. there was a weight on my lungs i wanted to cry out so hard. i looked around and realized it wasn't really a moment where anyone else felt inclined to cry, but here i was with this crushing weight feeling like i was on the verge of sobbing like a baby.

in total, there were about 3 or 4 moments where i had silent tears streaming down my face. i couldn't quite pinpoint the feelings that were emerging except to feel like i had just left Seth all over again. it was the same feeling that i had the first night that we decided to call it quits and i let him have the bed and i tried to sleep on the couch. i just cried and cried. and pulled my knees up to my chest and cried and sobbed. and it was awful. it's a hot crying, the kind of crying that aches every muscle and gives you real bags under your eyes the next day.

as we walked out of the movie i asked Carla if she had cried at all during the movie, and she said that she had felt some pinpricks of tiny tears welling up in one scene, but no, she hadn't cried. and i welled up with tears telling her that i had practically wanted to cry for the second half of the entire movie. it was so bizarre because i had no idea why i was so upset. why this movie had made me feel like i was just getting my stuff packed into my little white car all over again.

really. i don't even know why. i guess there will be little bouts of crying as i relive the agony of ending a marriage, i just really didn't think that the Sex and the City movie would do that to me.

when i got home i cried some more before i went to sleep, but then i was done with it.

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in bigger news:

i sent the final papers for the divorce on Thursday.

i think this is cause for celebration......

any ideas?