what did he do?

i know from my last two postings you're probably wondering what on earth he must've done to deserve having the word douchebag in such large font.

the truth is, he called me about a week ago, and all he did was be himself.

but being himself is basically the same as being a walking and talking douchebag, at least when it comes to how he interacts with me. i'm sure that during the day, while he's at work, he's pleasant and easily excitable as he tries to sell outdoor gear to the suckers who ask him for outdoor gear advice. but when he calls me and asks me when or if i sent the final divorce papers, he is in eXtreme-douchebag mode.

so he called about a week ago to ask if i had sent the last papers. i informed him that, Yes, i had sent the papers and yes, it took me about 3 weeks to find the time to get them notarized as i signed them, but they had indeed been signed, notarized, copied, and mailed to his lawyer as of 2 thursdays ago.

somehow we managed to have "conversation" for over 30 minutes. he asked about my sisters and my parents and my job and what-not. and fielded only a few of my own similar questions for him. i was sad to hear that he was in car accident over 4 weeks ago and actually had a concussion from it. and when i told him that i was sorry to hear that, his response gave me the vibe of "yeah right, like you give a shit about me, you left me".


when i hung up i had tears, the hot tears of anger and annoyance, in my eyes, and i just wanted to push him off of a cliff. for the millionth time i was reminded the reasons why i am SO thankful that i am no longer in that marriage.

actually.....scratch that Memo.....

memo: updated 6/5/08

To the Unhusband,

as per our conversation two nights ago, i just wanted to inform you that...

you are not even good enough to be a douchebag.





that is all.

love,
lisa

memo to the unhusband

memo:

To the Unhusband,

as per our conversation last night, i just wanted to remind you that...

you are a douchebag.





that is all.

love,
lisa

stirring it up

so, Carla and i went and saw the Sex and the City movie last night even though neither one of us ever really watched the show, and let me just say that i loved it.

i don't want to ruin it for you if you haven't seen it, and believe me, there are really great and hilarious moments in it as well as some heart-aching moments, and i don't want to give them away at all, but the movie really stirred something up inside of me.

during one of the scenes in the middle of the movie i really really felt like i was being crushed. there was a weight on my lungs i wanted to cry out so hard. i looked around and realized it wasn't really a moment where anyone else felt inclined to cry, but here i was with this crushing weight feeling like i was on the verge of sobbing like a baby.

in total, there were about 3 or 4 moments where i had silent tears streaming down my face. i couldn't quite pinpoint the feelings that were emerging except to feel like i had just left Seth all over again. it was the same feeling that i had the first night that we decided to call it quits and i let him have the bed and i tried to sleep on the couch. i just cried and cried. and pulled my knees up to my chest and cried and sobbed. and it was awful. it's a hot crying, the kind of crying that aches every muscle and gives you real bags under your eyes the next day.

as we walked out of the movie i asked Carla if she had cried at all during the movie, and she said that she had felt some pinpricks of tiny tears welling up in one scene, but no, she hadn't cried. and i welled up with tears telling her that i had practically wanted to cry for the second half of the entire movie. it was so bizarre because i had no idea why i was so upset. why this movie had made me feel like i was just getting my stuff packed into my little white car all over again.

really. i don't even know why. i guess there will be little bouts of crying as i relive the agony of ending a marriage, i just really didn't think that the Sex and the City movie would do that to me.

when i got home i cried some more before i went to sleep, but then i was done with it.

--------

in bigger news:

i sent the final papers for the divorce on Thursday.

i think this is cause for celebration......

any ideas?

subconcious

had a dream last night about getting back together with the un-husband.


i felt really weird when i woke up, like, "there's no way it'd be that easy, and there is no way that it would be good like that"


essentially, the dream consisted of Seth and i reconciling while we walked in the woods, i know there was a lot of laughing, and my left hand had my rings on it again.


still, i felt super weird when i woke up because i was sad that i broke his heart.

have i mentioned?

i don't think that i have,

but, i probably should mention,

that i have been seeing someone for a little over a month....






and so far,

it has been wonderful and exactly what i need.



i know you have thoughts:


go.

unconstructive

i think that i need some kind of ADD medicine in order to get things done once i get home.

actually, i think that it would ultimately help me in the workplace as well, even at the restaurant that i currently work at, because of all the multi-tasking that it takes in order to get things done.

it also doesn't help that doing lunch and dinner shifts at the restaurant means that i am dog-tired by the time that i get home and it makes me not want to do anything except eat and nap.

also,
i got a kitten.

she is certifiably insane.

all she wants to do is bite my hands, 24/7.


but she is super cute, and i named her Peppy. she makes me happy, she sleeps on my pillow next to my head and purrs whenever i move, that is her one redeeming quality. that, and the sheer fact that having her means that Seth can't say BOO about it because he had me resigned to the fact that i would never have a kitten or a cat because he was allergic.

sneeze on this Peppy, Seth! take some damn claritin and shut up!


:)