alone and not

especially with the onslaught of upcoming big events in my life:

-Seth will be filing for our un-marriage-ment sometime in late January.
-i am moving with my best friend Carla to a city that is 2 hours away from where i am now.
-i am scouring, i mean, SCOURING the internet for a job, a real full-time job, my first one!

:i have been feeling out on a branch more so now than ever before.

it's so crazy to me that i am single again, that i am living at home again, that i am around the people that know the best and that treat me the best, and the ones that treat me the worst. it's like living in a time-warp, except, that i am catching up with people, but also, not catching up, because they want to know about my life, but they also don't want to witness me breaking down because they've accidentally asked me the wrong questions. and even more so than ever, i just want my friends to look at me and say "is there anything that i can do? is there anything you want to talk about?" or for them to just give me a freaking hug.

i would be willing to say that the single hardest part about being single again, for me, is the lack of human contact. sometimes the only people i actually physically touch during the day are the people that i help at the register at work, and even then, the only contact that i have with them is handing them their change, so that my fingertips might lightly graze the palm of their hand. the only people that hug me, well, actually, no one hugs me. no one touches me. it is so hard to go from having someone who hugs me whenever i want, cuddles me on the couch, holds my hand on the couch or in the car or walking to the car, and this isn't even mentioning kissing. GAH.

all of the big things i have planned for January freak me out a little bit because i am doing it all by myself, but i must also say that while i may be partially in freak out mode, i am also highly highly excited about this move and this big change. i cannot wait to live in another city, where i can stretch my legs, get my feet wet and spread my wings (to name a few cliches!). but really, i am ready for some new people, a new place to live, a new kitten!, and so so so much more.

i recently put in an application and resume with a non-profit job in the city that i am moving to, which not only excites me but makes me feel responsible. i've called and left voice-mails, but i think that maybe they had a vacation, but i am going to pester them in the nicest way possible until i can land an interview. so if you pray, pray for my job search.

oh, and i saw PS I Love You again, and i loved it even more than the first time. it's official, i have GOT to go to Ireland.

does anyone want to plan a vacation with me?! ha!