i know that i should be happy that my friends came over for my birthday party this past Saturday, AND that there were over 20 people that showed up for it.
i know that it was pretty great for my grandfather, dad, mother, sisters and Carla to call me on my actual birthday.
i know that it was great for my new job's family to have the babies sing happy birthday to me.
but the hard part was coming home to an empty house at 5:15 with absolutely no actual birth-day plans.
the hard part was not getting a call from Jeannie (who hasn't spoken or typed or txted a single word to me since her wedding in JANUARY, don't know why?!) or from Ray, or from my Mentor.....
the hard part was realizing that i have spent my last 8 years with a significant other in my life. seriously, since 2000 i had a boyfriend/fiance/husband on my birthday. so even if my friends might have let me down (for various reasons, school starting, moving in, moving away, etc. i think that having a mid-august birthday can be just as annoying as a mid-december birthday b/c it gets lost in the shuffle) i could avoid having feelings of disappointment by having a boyfriend who would take me on a date.
the hard part was realizing that as much as my family loves me, besides Sophie, i haven't seen any of them for weeks and none of them really have made an effort to come and visit me. birthdays aren't really all that big in my family. at most we might go out to eat, but there haven't really been 'presents' for a very long time. and certainly no birthday parties. it's just kind of disappointing when you know that your Dad loves you but didn't call until after 5pm, and even then, we only talked for 2 minutes. yes, literally 2 minutes, i just checked it. he did send an e-card, but even that was disappointing.
the hard part was realizing that on his birthday a week and a half ago, i sent Seth a simple, friendly email that said "happy birthday, i hope you are well". and i know, that he knew that it was my birthday yesterday, and yet, nothin. i guess that cutting me completely off is part of his coping mechanism, but damn, really? we were together for 5 years. geez louise.
the hard part was waking up at the ass-crack of dawn to go watch other people's beautiful children, in their ideal, incredible home, with pictures from their wedding day everywhere, feeling dead on my feet b/c i was so tired (i am NOT functional before 9 am).....and getting home right at 5:15 only to realize that the only immediate plans i had were to take a nap.
the hard part was realizing that dwelling on all of these things was just making me resent being alone on my birthday. so i made some plans, went out and played pool for a couple of hours, and made the best of it.
hilarious side note: i really dislike my grandmother. she sent me a card to say Happy Birthday and to remind me that my birthday present was the car payment that she mistakingly paid for me in July (she cosigned for me, my payment was late [for the first time in 3 years] and so she paid $200 for CarMax to stop calling her.) i will be paying her back as soon as i can cover my bills and make up for some late credit card payments.
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2 comments:
Oh nice grandmother. Sheesh. Stuff happens and you family should help you out.
As for the birthday, I had the same quandary. This is what I suggest:
Schedule something just for you. Even if money is tight. A pedicure, massage, trip to the movies, whatever you like. Also, get yourself a cupcake from a bakery (i got a whole cake but only ate like two pieces. still worth it) and have some sparking grape juice or champagne, depending on your preference. It's YOUR day to celebrate you. That's what I feel. I did have someone here on my birthday, but spent most of it getting a new alternator for the car (what a gift!).
My feeling is if we celebrate and cherish ourselves, someone else will eventually as well.
As for the married friend, well, I found after my divorce that some married friends couldn't handle it. It was like they thought it was catching. They usually come around.
And the ex...you know he was thinking of you even if he didn't say anything.
*sigh...i feel for you. my dad forgot my birthday. i used to love my birthday because it's MY day. But as the years go on it's just a disappointing let down. I really like princessb's idea for scheduling something for yourself, I think I will do that next year since right now I'm doubtful I'll still be married.
*hugs I'm glad you made the best of it!
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