un-husband

if i am going to be un-married by May, then i am going to start referring to Seth, my ex, as my un-husband.

i talked to him tonight over the chat feature on gmail. i prompted it. i knew that he had asked for my mailing address a few weeks ago, and i had avoided giving it to him until now.

i asked a few questions, so did he. i asked how our dog was doing. it broke my heart for him to type "We're having a blast...". i know i couldn't take the dog, he needed the dog, to have someone to come home to. he needed to have something depending on him, otherwise i will be honest, i think he may have considered suicide.

so my un-husband is filing our papers in March, i guess that is only a couple of weeks now.

when the un-married papers go through, he says by May, i guess i will officially be un-married. what will be next?

it's been so hard thinking back over the failure that was my marriage. it's easy to pretend like my un-husband was the Anti-Christ of all husbands. that he was just awful and an ogre that kept me imprisoned like a princess in a tower. but he wasn't. for a long time, lisa and seth was a beautiful thing.

for a long time seth was all smiles, all love, and i was in return, all smiles, all love.

but really, we both made mistakes, some of which we don't speak of at all, others that we openly acknowledge. i am sure that i wasn't the best wife in the whole world. other times, i like to think i was.

being unmarried has been the most overwhelming thing i have ever had to deal with, but i wouldn't trade it for the world.