the wedding, dress alterations

because i think that i could honestly write a movie based on all of the events that happened this weekend at the wedding, i feel like it would do us all a bit of good for me to try and break it down into smaller, easily digestible fragments, rather than create a long wordy post with boring details about every little event.

so we'll start with.................

the dress alterations:
well, when we finally met up it was oh about, 4:45 in the MORNING and i did not want to risk either scenario, A: blow up or B:melt down at such an ungodly hour, so i bunched up the plastic sleeve that the dress was in, and packed it in with the rest of the stuff we took with us to FL.

fast forward through the achingly boring, fitful sleep filled 8 hour car-ride from Charlotte to Orlando. you know, the kind of sleep you can only get in the back of a car. lean this way, your neck hurts. lean this way, your legs/feet/lower extremities fall asleep.

we get to our destination, i unpack the dress and quickly sweep it into my room, and shut the closet door.

i don't have the room to myself, and in fact, Jeannie's only other bridesmaid (actually the Maid of Honor) is her younger sister, Beth. and because Beth was out at Epcot with some of the wedding guests, i took this opportunity to look at Beth's dress in a side-by-side comparison with mine.

Beth's dress: has a perfect hem line, done on a real sewing machine, and is completely even.

mine: i believe my exact thought was "OH SHIT."

comparatively, my hem line was a little off, the fact that it was HAND-SEWN by ME was very evident, and to top it off, my mom had used an adhesive to try and make a fake hem-line, and even though it looked awful within the first few inches, she did it the ENTIRE way around. i found this mind-boggling as i looked at my dress and looked at Beth's dress. WHY WOULD MY MOM KEEP IRONING ON THIS PERMANENT ADHESIVE THE ENTIRE WAY AROUND THE DRESS IF SHE WAS SEEING HOW IT WAS CONSISTENTLY SHITTY? also, my mom had hemmed the dress' liner to the length of the adhesive, but now the dress was shorter and so the liner needed to be taken up.

so.

i had to start being honest, but not necessarily with Jeannie.

so when she got there, i told Beth. i said "Beth, i know you know how your sister is and if she knew what i am about to do, she'd probably hang me up by my fingernails and i wouldn't be in her wedding anymore because i'd be dead, so i'm going to need you to help me cover my ass and i've got to do some work to my dress. my mom and i have both botched it up pretty good, but if you'll help me make sure your sister does NOT come into this room, i will buy you a gift card or take you to dinner whenever i get a job back in NC."

Beth: it's cool. I got your back.

did i mention that Beth is 18 and may or may not be a recreational stoner?

so, i broke out the ole needle and thread, turned the dress inside out, and trimmed the broke-looking adhesive hem, crappily sewed the liner to a new length, and when i turned it back to the rightside out, i put it on and Beth helped me survey the damage.

1-i caught a piece of the ACTUAL dress when i was snipping away at the old hem with the adhesive on it. there was a somewhat noticeable tear in the fabric near the hemline. CRAP!

2-there were several places where the liner was still hanging lower than the dress.

3-there were noticeable strings hanging down from the hemline.

4-CRAP.

Beth totally saved the day and helped me fix the liner with the dress still on my body and listened to me bubble out excuses about how i am not a professional seamstress and how hell would have to freeze over before i let my mom touch something else i need altered ever again. and how THIS is why you pay $40 to have someone else do the work for you.

there were a few panic moments wherein Jeannie knocked on the door and asked what we were doing, but Beth was a total champ and said "We're writing our toasts, go away!" whew.

and while i kept envisioning Sunday morning to be a catastrophe along the lines of:

hair and makeup done, time to put on the dresses. Beth gets dressed, then i get dressed, as we are standing next to one another, the gay guy who is doing our makeup, the mean woman who is doing our hair, and Jeannie's mother and grandmother crowd around me and point at my hemline gasping "WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOUR DRESS? WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US SOONER?"

instead, Sunday morning turned out to go like this:

hair and makeup done, time to put on the dresses. i get dressed, Beth gets dressed, and when i walk out everyone (all of the aforementioned folks) says "YOU LOOK AWESOME!" i think the gay guy even snapped his fingers! "What a great color and cute dress that is! You can wear that again on a cruise!" HA!

luckily, by the end of the night, after dancing and prancing and doing the whole wedding shebang, the dress was not in tatters, none of the seams i sewed had fallen out, and the safety pins holding the liner up were completely unnoticeable.

when we got home and undressed, i said to Beth, "would you believe that not one person said a thing about my dress?! i think i gave myself an ulcer worrying about it and no one even NOTICED! maybe i should be a seamstress!"

then i snapped out of it and realized i must have been delusional.

pictures, for your enjoyment, and if you are a seamstress, your disappointment with my craftsmanship:

this is just a glimpse of what i call the "small scale puckering" that occurred when i hand stitched the hem.
















an upskirt shot. ha!


















this is what the LINER looked like when i was DONE with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha!

















please note, 3 safety pins, and a whole lot of messy seams.





can you believe that NO ONE said anything?!