dear baby

i just finished watching the movie Waitress with a friend of mine, and no, i didn't watch it with a guy friend snuggled up on the couch like i have been talking about doing, i watched it with my greatest friend Carla (love of my life) and let me just say that i loved it. the plot may have seemed slow and the humor may have been a little dry, but it was truly a sweet movie about pies, love, and babies.

which brings up my favorite scene, because the main character, Jenna, is not excited about being pregnant and she writes letters to her unborn child, she says

"Dear damn baby, if'n you ever want to hear the story of how we bought your crib: Your crib was bought with the money that was supposed to buy me a new life. Every time I lay you down in that crib I'm going to think, damn baby, damn crib, and me stuck like a pin in this damn life."

and i just found myself laughing so hard at this part of the movie, not only because she was calling her nameless baby- Damn baby, but because i would have been thinking the EXACT same thing had i ever gotten pregnant when i was with Seth.

and even after i drove away and came back to NC, i was PETRIFIED to miss my period. if you are a guy and you're reading my blog, then you'll just have to get over this entry, but it's the God's honest truth, so if you think it's TMI, then oh well, welcome to life.

when i was with Seth my period was so sporadic because i was always stressed out. and after i left i was nervous that it would be one of those times that it didn't really show up and then i started freaking out because i thought i might be pregnant.

HOW BAD WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN?!!! it would have been terrifying and totally overwhelming if i had walked out of a marriage only to find out that i am pregnant. waves of doubt rushed over me as i waited on my period, had i made a mistake? how would Seth respond? would we have to get back together? what if it was twins? on and on until i finally got confirmation that there were no babies growing inside me.

thank the Lord that i was not pregnant as i left Seth. all of my functions are back to normal and i am so so so so so thankful that i am not writing a Damn Baby letter.