the real question

being a Christian, i have always understood what the Bible has to say about divorce:

it's not an option.

but being a person, with real thoughts and feelings and pressures from this world, i was married for only 1 year and 4 months before i felt like:

divorce was my only option.

i was with Seth for almost 5 years after we met my freshman year of college, we got engaged during our junior year of college and we got married 4 weeks after graduation.

it was always Lisa and Seth. or Hey Lisa, where's Seth?

it's like, we were always together and people just came to expect us to be together. and when he proposed, of course i said yes. i had no clue what to do otherwise.

what was i supposed to say with him down on one knee? smiling ear to ear?

"Hold on, i really need to think this over." of course not!

i said

"YES! of course!"

ignoring the pit in my stomach, and instead, admiring the shiny diamonds on my left hand!

i refuse to believe that i didn't take my marriage seriously, i took my marriage SO seriously. in fact, the largest part of why i felt like i had to get out of my marriage was because i had been the only one willing to work on, carry, and negotiate in our marriage.

i was tired of pulling all the weight, i was tired of being talked down to and battered into feeling like a daughter and not a wife, and i was tired of looking in the mirror and not recognizing myself anymore.

it was time for me to do something hard.

it was time for me to step out of my comfort zone.

time for me to look at the Seth and Lisa phenomena and assess it for what it was worth.

it was time for me to not be married anymore.

this time was just over a month ago.

i drove away with all my stuff in my car on Oct. 25.

and even though i had to move back in with my own mother and grandfather (a whole nother story in and of itself) i have never ever ever felt so satisfied with a decision.